Ladies and gentlemen. I am disgusted by our own kind. This new app called “Lulu” has been on my radar for awhile now. I’ve refused to look into it, but for the sake of writing a blog post about it, I gave in.

What is Lulu:

According to their FAQ:

If you meet a guy at a party and hit it off, admit it: you’re going to Facebook and Google him when you get home. Lulu is the place to do your research. Except we’re not going to bore you with whether he’s registered to vote. No way. Lulu tells you the stuff you want to know: is he a heartbreaker or your future husband? Lulu is the fastest way you can find out if he has a good track record with the ladies.

First of all, this sounds like a Stage 5 Clinger’s manifesto. On paper its essentially its an app only for girls. It makes you login through Facebook (it swears it won’t post on your wall, etc. but I doubt that’s true) to verify you are indeed a female, and also so it can pull up all of your friends/friends info. It’s a social network for ladies in which you can rate your male friends / dates / exes ranging from your relationship with said male, hashtags, and their Humor, Appearance, Manners, Sex, First Kiss, Ambition and Commitment on a scale of 1-10.

Off paper Lulu is a snarky, catty, terrible app. Think Mean Girls’ Burn Book but for scorned bitches everywhere seeking revenge on that one night stand or that bad breakup. It’s a terrible idea for many reasons, to name a few:

1) Dating/getting to know someone shouldn’t be based off of what other people think. You immediately close yourself off if you do this.

2) Obviously everything on that app is bound to be biased. You can’t believe everything you read.

3) Girls talk about being objectified, etc. ALL THE DAMN TIME. While I agree (to some extent), I also think that this is even worse. Degrading a dude just to numbers or a set of awkward Hashtags is terrible.

My Experience:

I figured so long as I had the app, I should see what people were saying about the guys I knew.

Exhibit A: average score 6.7
Reviews: “The sex might be a bit lackluster”, “He’s about as funny as a funeral, but his manners are perfection squared”, and “The word ‘girlfriend’ gives him hives, but his looks could turn a sane girl mad”.
Best Hashtags: #RespectsWomen; #AlwaysPays; #SweetToMom; #OpensDoors
Worst Hashtags: #NoseHair; #NoEdge; #NoGoals #QuestionableSearchHistory

Exhibit B: average score 8.4
Reviews: “His face might take some getting used to, but he’ll keep you giggling all night long”, “He’s so funny, you’ll spend your life laughing your ass off”
Best Hashtags: #BedroomEyes; #HoldsHisLiquor; #NotADick; #EpicSmile
Worst Hashtags: #CheaperThanABigMac; #WanderingEye; #GoneInTheMorning

Exhibit C: average score 7.6
Reviews: “He’s no slouch in the hotness department”, “Commitment isn’t really his thing, but he’s got what it takes to be very successful”, “He could teach a course on kissing technique”
Best Hashtags: #LifeOfTheParty; #TeddyBear; #AmazingCuddles; #StrongHands
Worst Hashtags: #OneTrackMind; #TotalF***ingDickhead; #IntegrityChallenged; #ManChild; #TrustFundBaby

Uhh yeah, you get the picture. Summarily, this app poses a disgusting way to talk shit about people. No one’s going to go on this thing and be like, “Hey, you know what, that was a great hookup with so-and-so, I’m going to write a rave review about him!”. Just. No. Instead, people will use this to gain revenge, be bitchy, or just f*** around. Which is a shame. However you see it – whether this app can be useful or is stupid (I stand in this party obviously), something should be said about the fact that what happens in the past stays in the past. If my dating past followed me (which it sometimes does) in every interaction I have, I would be completely screwed. The thing about meeting new people, starting new relationships, and dating is that you’re being opened to new perspectives and ideas. This app completely closes off all possibilities for a person to change their past or their ways.

I mean, just like Ben Affleck said, “You can’t hold grudges, it’s hard”.

Another reason why this app is absolutely unclassy (and here at YouCanKissMySass we set the bar for classiness ;] ), disdainful, and cringeworthy is because it breaks down men to a series of insulting reviews, hashtags and numbers. Women are CONSTANTLY talking about how we’re always objectified, our bodies, our roles in society, etc. This app, is no worse – it magnifies the objectification actually. #SixPack, #WearsCrocs, #HotCar, #TallDarkAndHandsome. Is that any better? I promise you, had this been reversed: an app for men to review women, feminists/feminazis would be on this shit like no other. It’d be breaking news, the app creators would probably get attacked, very publicly, and the app would be taken down. Could you imagine? Double standards here. So ladies, do yourself, and mankind a favor and don’t support/use/encourage the use of this app. If you do… well, I disown you through the Internet and you’re a disgrace.

I’m standing up for my dudes and bros here.