YOUCANKISSMYSASS

Booze Slinging Bots: The End of the Bartender?

YOUCANKISSMYSASS — Thu, 09 May 2013 14:31:51 +0000

Mashable came out with a story chronicling how in South Africa at the upcoming OppiKoppi music festival, festival go-ers will be able to order beers on their phone, and have them delivered to them via drone. Via parachute. I am not shitting you. As explained in this video, there are plenty of problems that still need to be worked out here, like – the inaccuracy of the parachutes for one. Will I have to constantly fear being hit on the head by a beer bottle? What if someone snatches my beer mid air? Sidenote: Last year SF experimented with a Burrito Dropping Drone (amazing, right?). There’s a possibility that Americans may not have to be worried about being knocked out in the head by a parachuted beer, considering the FAA is still in the process of allowing drones to fly our airspace (who said drones had to have a negative connotation anyways). But bots and booze… who knew?

Enter BarBot. For a few years now, San Francisco, the mecca for tech nerds all over, have hosted BarBot. What it is is a two day “celebration of cocktail culture and man-machine interface. Get a drink from an actual robot. Chat up a snarky electronic bartender. And, after downing you sixth martini, you can finally admit that it’s the geeks who shall inherit the earth. Come hang out with some alternate life-forms at barBot!”

So imagine my surprise when I was perusing the latest Kickstarter campaigns and came across Bartendro – A Cocktail Dispensing Robot made by Party Robotics. Seriously? Geek the f*** out. A robot that you can have in the comfort of your own home that is your own bartender. Amazing. The convenience of being able to make drinks to the right proportion (AKA strong, in my case) is so dreamy its unbelievable. If you’re a tech nerd like me, the phrase ‘open source code’ might have you in awe as well. For the lay people out there, open source code means that the programmers and makers have posted the computer code they used to make this robot do its thing. This is really cool for multiple reasons. First and foremost, it gives others the opportunity to revamp, change up, or edit the code and make their own alcohol slinging robot. Obviously all of these robots are a work in progress and for what I know, not yet available to the consumer market.

But kinks aside, this brings up a very important question: If robots are delivering our booze, what happens to the bartender?

The infamous show Cheers, is about Boston bar regulars and bartenders who all congregate at a place “Where Everybody Knows Your Name”. Put a robot in the equation, and what happens to that sense of community? I’m not trying to get all nostalgic and corny on you guys, I promise. But I think we need to give the human bartender a little more credit than to replace them by a machine.

We all have our favorite bartenders, who may or may not know our name, our favorite drinks, the way we like them served up, etc (don’t judge me). Replace my favorite bartender with a robot, you’ll see me screaming at a piece of metal, “DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM?!” It’s a terrifying future I’m picturing. Sometimes at the end of a long week, you just want to go to your spot, and have a friendly human interaction with a bartender, who lets you know that so long as they are there, and human, its okay to indulge and imbibe. Or maybe you just need a smile. Can you smile at me robot? I didn’t think so. Also, have you ever been to a really nice restaurant/lounge/high end bar and seen the finesse of these bartenders? I’m not talking physical finess (although that too), but I’m talking about the artful way they shake, stir, muddle, strain, build, layer and pour that liquid goodness.

Watch this video, because it makes me all warm inside.

That shake, is music to my lush ears.

What I’m saying is, while the world could do with robots in other places of our daily lives (like cleaning, etc), they have no place in any drinking establishment.

HOLD SACRED THY BARTENDER.

How You Know You Went to Notre Dame

YOUCANKISSMYSASS — Thu, 02 May 2013 19:28:27 +0000

Often times I try to tell people about my high school experience, yet words don’t really seem to do it justice. Most people really don’t understand.

Most people getting ready for school…
You getting ready for another day at NDB…

Making the greasy, doughy cookies from the kitchen a selling point to prospective students. SO GOOD!

When you start describing AQUACADES and realize its useless to even try.

How you think you look performing at AQUACADES…

How you really look at AQUACADES…

When your class wins an event at AQUACADES

Birkenstocks were your shoes of choice, or moccasins… with socks. Pick your poison.

When a male between the age of 15-30 entered the school and EVERYONE knew.

When your entire group of friends are all on their period at the same time.

Walking into Tri School classes with Serra boys.

When you realize that if you’d known The Great Gatsby was going to be a movie with Leo, Carrie, and Toby, you would have make a bigger deal of the Gatsby Ball.

Not caring what you looked like / how weird you acted.

When you can ask in the middle of class, “Does anyone have a tampon I could borrow?”

Traffic on Ralston.

You left room for the Holy Spirit.

WAIT, a BOY?!

When you make up a rivalry with another all girls Catholic school and call it the CATFIGHT.

Dingbat day means something to you.

Dressing up as Fruit of the Loom was cool. Thanks to Angela Scherba ’08 for the picture.

When someone says the other neighboring Catholic school girls are better than you.

“Wait, you actually shaved your legs?”

Formal uniform made you feel like you were wearing a straight jacket.

LORENZO’S SANDWICHES!

When a Serra boy dated a Mercy girl.

You have to love that NDB sisterhood.

M.T. Class of 2010

*all GIFs from Tumblr unless otherwise noted.

ICYMI: April Roundup

YOUCANKISSMYSASS — Wed, 01 May 2013 03:36:58 +0000

April generally sucks because its rainy and shit, and lets be honest, most people aren’t that forward thinking to see the bright side and wait for May flowers. But it’s a wrap for April, so let’s talk about it.

[via TheNewYorker]

Mad Love For Boston: Tragedy has a weird way of bringing a nation together. What happened in Boston was terrible. I’m not an emotional person. Rarely do I express my emotions, have emotions, or tell people about my emotions. I’ve been likened to a robot and have commonly been called an ice queen because of my nature. But when tragedies like what happened at the Boston Marathon happen, I start to feel. However, what really gets me super emotional is my love of sports. I’ve expressed a plethora of emotions in my relationship with sports – I’ve cried, laughed, cried of happiness, cried of sadness, been angry, been unreasonably angry… you get the picture. To see sports teams show love for Boston was too much for me. The Yankees giving Boston love, “Sweet Caroline” played at Yankee stadium and Fenway thanks to Neil Diamond, the national anthem at the Bruins game… I was a mess.

Spring Has Sprung: A lot of you ladies get way too ahead of yourselves and come out hard in those summer dresses. Chill. Out. Same with you bros out there in your bro tanks and flip flops and Chubbies shorts. Calling you out. Nah, but I get it! Spring is here, the weathers great… time to spend some time in the park and catch some Vitamin D (which so many of us New Yorkers are deprived of). Get excited, you have permission to bare arms.

The Great Gatsby Music Soundtrack: My jaw dropped when The Great Gatsby released their tracklisting. How in the world do you put The xx, Beyonce, Lana Del Rey, Florence + the Machine, and Jack White (AKA my favorites ever) all together for a soundtrack? Only in a Baz Luhrmann movie, that is. Check this baby out:

“100$ Bill” – Jay-Z
“Back To Black” – Beyoncé x Andre 3000
“Bang Bang” – will.i.am
“A Little Party Never Killed Nobody (All We Got)” – Fergie + Q Tip + GoonRock
“Young And Beautiful” – Lana Del Rey
“Love Is The Drug” – Bryan Ferry with The Bryan Ferry Orchestra
“Over The Love” – Florence + The Machine
“Where The Wind Blows” – Coco O. of Quadron
“Crazy in Love” – Emeli Sande and The Bryan Ferry Orchestra
“Together” – The xx
“Hearts A Mess” – Gotye
“Love Is Blindness” – Jack White
“Into the Past” – Nero
“Kill and Run” – Sia

Psycho Sorority Chick?: Everyone had a field day with this (you definitely need to read it if you haven’t yet). It’s pretty unclassy and of poor taste – but it doesn’t mean that all sorority girls are psycho and crazy or deranged. In fact, I think this chick is neither of these. First of all, I think this chick has valid points in her rant. While I’m no sorority girl, I understand her frustration with her friends / sisters who cannot hold a conversation, have to be drunk to talk to males, etc. I get it girl! Sometimes people need to be called out. The most important part of this is that she is an excellent writer. I’m not even joking and completely defend her writing skills and eloquence. Something must be said for the perfectly put cuss words, and the very detailed ass kicking that will follow if x doesn’t happen. The girl has an amazing way with words. You have to give her credit for that. Props to you girlfriend. You may not be a sister at DG at University of Maryland, but we can possibly be soul sisters.

Jason Collins: If you remotely know who I am, you know I’m a pretty avid sports fan. This week Jason Collins of the Washington Wizards came out and became the first professional athlete playing a major American team sport, to come out as gay. This is incredible and I think it’ll open the doors to many other pro athletes and celebrities in the spotlight. The outpour of support that Collins has received ranging from NBA players like Kobe, LeBron, Jason Kidd to President Obama is very telling that our society is finally making progress in giving gays and lesbians the full equality that everyone deserves. We’re getting there ‘Merica.

Top Search Engine Terms For YOUCANKISSMYSASS.COM:

“kids annoy the shit out of me blog” – So someone searched this, and my website was a result? Is that the vibe I’m giving off? Good.
“san francisco giants bandwagon fans” – … are the worst. Am I right?
“turn tights into turban” - Refer to this post, or learn from the one who taught me and watch this YouTube video by the lovely JasonSimone. You won’t regret it.
“neck pillow” - Are they actually comfortable? You tell me. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing one.
“maria spinning sound of music” – Yeah… I like that scene too. Julie Andrews is so effervescent I cannot.
“what does #wearscrocs mean” -IT MEANS HE WEARS CROCS! AKA IT MEANS RUN… RUN FAR AWAY!
“unclassy women” - Oh God. Someone searched unclassy women, and my website popped up. #HELP
“can you get drunk off of skinny girl cosmo” - The answer is yes. Trust me.
“babysat kids with taped mouth” -Wait, what? Did you tape their mouths? I’m really curious here. Please email me the story behind this.
“men in baseball pants fuck” - I know, right? I die.

Other notable things that happened in April:

-THIS HAPPENED. Frank Ocean fixed Jimmy Fallon’s bow tie while Justin Timberlake watched at the Time 100 gala. Amazing.

[via Vulture.com]

- Beyonce’s ad for H&M Summer 2013 came out, and we all swooned… and bowed down too, of course. There’s a lot of Bey rolling in the sand, and its nothing short of amazing.

What we can look forward to in May:

-The Met Gala is May 6 and is co hosted this year by Rooney Mara (girlcrush), Lauren Santo Domingo, Riccardo Tisci and Anna Wintour. The theme of the night will be punk… Anna and celebs like BEYONCE in PUNK wear?! I’m dying of excitement and anticipation. Expecting Sid Vicious realness from the men and I cannot wait.

-The Great Gatsby comes out May 10th. Leo, Carrie and Toby better give it to me straight.

-ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT SEASON 4 COMES OUT ON NETFLIX May 26th! That’s all that needs to be said about that.

The AD promo posters are beautiful. [via eonline]

Anyways…

[via tumblr]

How Netflix Has Changed Our Lives

YOUCANKISSMYSASS — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 15:34:58 +0000

Netflix’s Q1 results have shown solid and promising. And everyone is all of a sudden surprised by this? Seriously Forbes, if you took a second and looked around, you’d realize that pretty much 87% of Americans have a Netflix account – even if they’re using a friends’ account, and that of the typical American’s week, 13% of it is spent on Netflix. Just kidding, I made that all up, but it sounded absurdly true, right? Might as well be. What was life before Netflix? You’d lay in bed and what, turn on the TV, and what? Watch local news? Gross. Whether we like to admit it or not, Netflix is pretty damn life changing.

When Netflix has all 10 seasons of a TV show you want to watch…

[via tumblr]

Development of addictive personalities.

Due to Netflix have I developed an addictive personality. Actually, it may have started when at the end of my freshman year of college I decided to treat myself and buy a giant boxed set of every season, and movie of the Sex and the City franchise. I watched every single disc, movie, and episode within a week (that’s 94 episodes and 2 movies)… finals week might I add. Although I finished that semester on the Dean’s List, I found myself jonesing hardcore for the next episode, “OMG CARRIE CHEATED ON AIDAN WITH BIG? WHAT IS POSSIBLY GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!” (sorry for the spoiler there, I mean, if it was a spoiler for you, then you really need to step up your game … like 7 years ago). My point is, when you have all the episodes to a show right there, in your face – it’s hard not to get addicted.

When I tell my friends I’m staying in tonight because I’m exhausted… but really I’m going to finish Season 2 of Mad Men…

[via tumblr]

A go-to excuse.

I’ve actually said the phrase, “No I can’t go out tonight, I’m watching Netflix” out loud to a group of people I didn’t know that well. And you know what, I was completely shameless about saying it too. Sadly, I / we live in a world where thats disgustingly acceptable. Also, can you really justify a night out when you spend upwards of $30 on drinks when you can sit at home and watch Breaking Bad, fo free?!

When you realize you don’t need a significant other, so long as you have Netflix…

[via tumblr]

Instant companionship.

Goes back to using Netflix as an excuse. Who needs a boyfriend when you have a bed, delivery food, and a Netflix subscription. Honestly. Or in some relationships, Netflix is the common ground, the center of the relationship… it’s happened. And at the end of the day, when relationships end… Netflix will still remain. Oh god, that Netflix… so dependable, everything you could ever hope for.

When you realize the longest standing relationship you’ve had is with your Netflix account…

[via tumblr]

Full commitment.

Never have I spent a whole day with a person and not been annoyed. Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, but what I’m getting at is that sometimes we need our space. Netflix, on the other hand – I can spend multiple days with, and always want to come back for more. I want to be Netflix’s suffocating girlfriend. I LOVE YOU! I WANT TO SPEND EVERY WAKING SECOND WITH YOU! (not really, but you get the big idea, right?) I mean, Netflix always gives me more and more. Ever notice how when you finish an episode, Netflix knows to start the next episode in 20 seconds? That, right there my friends, is love. You got what I need baby.

Trying to escape your childhood…

[via tumblr]

Childhood flashbacks.

I’m a huge fan of nostalgia. Actually, maybe not considering I just tried thinking of nostalgic foods, smells, images of my childhood but the only ones I could think of were associated with weird moments. Hmmm… The parts of my childhood that I do remember were the cartoons, movies and TV I watched. Recently, Netflix just penned a deal with Disney to distribute it’s old content. Amazing. Also added to that is Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon shows. Powerpuff Girls, SpongeBob SquarePants (who am I kidding, I’ve definitely seen an episode of this in the last year), Rugrats, Hey Arnold, and my ultimate favorite – Scooby Doo. Or maybe you simply just catch up on the childhood you never had. Either way, its nice to pretend your a kid again.

When Netflix announced the entire season 4 of Arrested Development will be released on May 26th…

[via tumblr]

Instant gratification.

Instant gratification is my middle name. I want it, and I want it now. Netflix rolled out all 13 episodes of House of Cards February 1st, which was game changing in the eyes of media makers. This is fantastic, because now media companies are thinking of following suit. Think about it this way… if you’re anything like me, you finished the entire first season of House of Cards by mid February. If it were to follow the traditional release schedule, this week, we’d be watching the final episode of the Kevin Spacey drama. Amazing? Absolutely. Now Netflix is releasing THE WHOLE ENTIRE SEASON 4 of Arrested Development on May 26th. Thank God I’ll be done with finals at this point. You’re all mine that week Netflix, just you, me, and the never nudes.

Media game changer.

Some people are super low key about what Netflix has done to the media world. HBO/Showtime are all like, “Oh its cool but like its not that awesome, Netflix will never be us srry”, and Viacom/Timewarner etc. are all like “Whatevs, everyone loves us big conglomerates, bow down”, while others are like “OMG Netflix is changing the game forevs!”… clearly I belong to the latter, just without as much enthusiasm. Honestly though, Netflix has changed our viewing practices, the way we see TV programming, and quite possibly, the way TV producers might make their content.

Sometimes Netflix is annoying / a nuisance. You get twitchy eyes from looking at your computer for extended periods of time. Or, after watching half a season of a show you realize you’ve done nothing with your life for the past 5 hours. Or maybe after an hour of scrolling through movies and TV shows, you realize your an indecisive sonofab**** and cannot pick something to watch for the life of you and that in itself is worrisome and annoying. Yeah, just blame it on Netflix. The fact of the matter is, so long as we crave entertainment, company, nostalgic things, Netflix will always have our back.

SF Giants = GQ Boys

YOUCANKISSMYSASS — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 16:52:25 +0000

I’ve always been under the impression that my San Francisco Giants are of the most attractive bunch in Major League Baseball. This has only been confirmed as two of my team favorites have been featured in April’s edition of GQ. Buster Posey in SWEATPANTS? Zito in McQueen?! Swoon.

Oy.

Anyways, you’re welcome.

Be still my heart [via GQ]

Barry Zito:
Golden Bear Sportswear Jacket, $637;
Alexander Wang T Shirt, $76;
Unis Pants, $198;
Puma x Alexander McQueen Sneakers;

Oh my. [via GQ]

Buster Posey:
Banana Republic Jacket, $150;
Merz b. Schwanen Henley, $100;
Michael Bastian Sweatpants, $325;
Sandro Sneakers, $475;
TAG Heuer Watch;

See the complete slideshow with other guys like, Brandon Phillips, Chase Headley, Andre Ethier and Jake Peavy here.
I always knew these faces were GQ worthy. Sorry Dodgers, I only see Ethier in there… maybe money can’t buy you class.

What Your Favorite Mad Men Character Says About You

YOUCANKISSMYSASS — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 00:19:17 +0000

[via nytimes.com]

Don Draper

You clearly think you are the business. He’s your favorite character because A) you think you’re like him, B) you want to be like him, or C) you just admire his overall bad-assery. You’re calm, cool, collected and creative. #WWDDD

Peggy Olson

You do you girl. That’s all that matters. You realize this, and you own it.

Pete Campbell

Seriously? You don’t exist. No one likes Pete Campbell. Except you. You’re probably spoiled and think you’re entitled to the world on a silver platter. You also were that kid in middle school who annoyingly had to one-up everyone no matter what it was. You can always spot the Pete Campbells of the world a mile away.

BY FAR MY FAVORITE SCENE IN MAD MEN [via tumblr]

Betty Francis/Draper

Did someone say attention whore? Oh Fat Betty. You have a lot of emotional baggage, maybe daddy problems, which causes you to eat your feelings. Or, in my favorite scene of season 5, you often find yourself spraying whipped cream directly down your throat. Whatever it may be, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

[via amctv]

Joan Holloway

You are the HBIC (Head Bitch In Charge for all you YouCanKissMySass illiterates). You run shit. Beyonce’s song Girls was made about you. Youre all business girlfriend and you want people to take you seriously because thats what you deserve!

Roger Sterling

What a silver foxxx, that Roger. Among your super heroes / idols are the Old Spice man, and of course Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Man in the World. You don’t care really and nothing really gets to you. Your favorite thing to do (besides fornicate with women half your age and LSD) is to be naked, naturally. No one can handle you.

Megan Calvet Draper

You live in your own little world, painfully oblivious of everything. Its okay though, the worlds a much better place that way. Ignorance is truly bliss.

Sally Draper

THE Sass Master. Sally is my personal favorite character on Mad Men. Emotionally, she’s a bit fucked up, but then again, who isn’t right? She’s mature beyond her years and girls got some attitude. You see the world for what it is, and don’t need sugar coating because, goddammit you’re a woman and you just want to wear white go go boots and makeup! Thank heavens I didn’t have a mother like Betty Draper to slap me and lock me in a closet when I mouthed back at her. Oh Sally Draper.

Sally being Sassy Sally, and January Jones giving me Betty Draper REALNESS.

Do’s and Don’ts: Music Festivals

YOUCANKISSMYSASS — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 20:48:57 +0000

[img via latimes.com]

So there was Week 1 of Coachella! AKA, Coachella Valley Fashion Week, basically (for all of you who generally keep most of your clothes on. While SXSW, Ultra, and a few other music festivals have already happened, the beginning of Coachella marks the start of Music Festival Season! I don’t know about you, but I already have my tickets for Governors Ball NYC and SF Outside Lands. Music festivals are THE BEST. So let’s talk Do’s and Dont’s

DO dress appropriately. I get it, you’re in the desert, it’s unbearably hot, and you’ve worked on that summer body for awhile now (AKA you’ve been on a liquid diet for the past week). So naturally you want to flaunt it. My advice: keep it classy. Leave something to the imagination. Where’s the fun if you’ve exposed all of your goods already. Likewise, for the SF Outside Lands go-ers, we all know that Golden Gate Park gets blanketed by fog, no matter what the forecast is. That being said, prepare for the cold.

DON’T be afraid to take those fashion risks. This is the time you’ve been waiting for. To wear that leopard print crop top with that chain headband, and neon yellow high waisted shorts and compliment it with a fannypack. Why the f*** not? This is the only time you can get away with looking like, well… anything. The beer soaked grass is your runway. YOU BETTA WERQ!

Just tell your friends, “look for the baby in the sky!” [img via trbimg.com]

DO familiarize yourself with the bands. You don’t want to be that dude who doesn’t know if alt-J is a band or some type of abbreviation. There are a lot of people who actually go to see their favorite bands play. At the very least, fake it.

DON’T be a groupie. I mean, its inevitable band groupies pop up. But chill. Also, a lot of celebrities A-D listers, go to Coachella, Lollapalooza, Outside Lands, SXSW, because they’re human beings and they enjoy the arts and music and getting drunk and being trendy too! I love LiLo just as much as the next person, but I’m sure she just wants to kick back under the Indio sun, and enjoy some Major Lazer, sans paparazzi and fans flocking around her. After all, Coachella was her last little hurrah before rehab.

DO make a fool out of yourself. Music can only provide us with so much entertainment.

DO make a creative totem / group marker. I don’t think Coachella allows these anymore, but the greatest artistry I’ve seen has been the totems / group markers at Outside Lands. You know what I’m talking about? When you’re in a huge group and need to find where your homies went, you just look in the crowd and find your group’s marker or flag or totem or whatever. Best one I’ve seen so far was King Joffrey’s head on a stick. Amazing.

DON’T say you’re poor. I do this all the time. Well, I don’t ‘do’ it, but I spend a lot of money on concert tickets and music festival tickets to find myself near broke. You do it too I’m sure. Dish out $400 for a festival pass, more or less $300 for airfare, outrageous $$$ on booze etc. and even more ridiculous amounts of cash money on your ultimate outfits for the weekend. Boo hoo, you’re poor. How unfortunate.

DO take craploads of pictures and Instagram them all. Because you love making people jealous! “Look where I am and where youre not!” “Look how fashionably trendy and cute I am in 90 degree desert heat!” People won’t be bitter at all.

DON’T worry. Have a great time. Do you think anyone gave a flying sh** at Woodstock? Peace.

Happy Music Festival Season!

You Are What You ‘Like’

YOUCANKISSMYSASS — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 21:47:58 +0000

You log onto Facebook (who are we kidding, you’ve never even logged off). Check your notifications, scroll through your Newsfeed. Your friend listened to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs on Spotify, you ‘like’ that. A friend shares a link about the latest celebrity scandal, you ‘like’ that. Another friend shares a photo from the NYU Memes page, you laugh, and, naturally, you ‘like’ that too. Little do you know, your ‘likes’ project a very powerful image of you.

According to a study from the University of Cambridge, Facebook ‘likes’ can be used to gather information about your sexual orientation, politics, religion, intelligence and emotional stability. We tend to use this ‘like’ button indiscriminately, unaware of what the effects may be. Summarily, if you ‘like’ certain things, they become indicators of the type of person you are. For example, according to the study, indicators of male homosexuality were pages such as the “No H8 Campaign” and “Wicked: The Musical”, whereas male heterosexuality was indicated by user likes of “Wu Tang Clan” or “Shaq”. Supposedly we can also predict whether a user is introverted or extroverted, their intelligence level and their political alignments according to their liked pages.

A website that has tried to utilize this is www.youarewhatyoulike.com. All you do is login with your Facebook, and the site generates an output based off of your likes.

youarewhatyoulike.com

While I do agree that the Likes they’ve listed are most indicative of my profile, I don’t agree with how they’ve categorized me. Sure I’m liberal, and sometimes consider myself creative and artistic, and for the most part I am very organized and like to have my shit all together. Verdicts still out on whether I actually am friendly. The last two I’m having trouble over. While I’d like to think I’m calm and relaxed, in reality I’m a bit high strung and anxious. Also, I’m very competitive. So there’s goes that “agreeableness”. I’m calling a farse on you http://www.youarewhatyoulike.com.

But for the most part this can prove to be accurate. Lately I’ve been inspired to run a Ragnar Relay (if you don’t know what it is, check it out), and clicked the ‘like’ button on the Ragnar Relay Facebook page to get updates. Now, in my Newsfeed, nested in between status updates and photos of friends, are sponsored ads for the “Warrior Dash”, “Iron Man”, “Diva Run”, and even one promoting Joint Relief care (thanks for looking out, Facebook) – all things that are, in fact, appealing to me. However, Facebook often has the tendency to take these ‘likes’ completely out of context. For example, I’m a huge fan of NBC’s Law & Order: SVU. When I first made my Facebook profile I listed Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order, and Law & Order: Criminal Intent, as my “Favorite TV Shows” (right next to Sex and the City, and 30 Rock, mind you). The repercussions of this have been a range of ads for schools: ITT Tech School of Criminal Justice, Rutgers School of Criminal Justice; ads for the search term “Law & Order” clearly taken out of context: Indian Law & Order Commission, Christian Commission on Faith & Order. I do love the show Law and Order, but I cannot say I have ever, nor will I ever in the future, be interested in the field of law or criminal justice. While I do appreciate the suggestions, Facebook, I’ll decline. In fact, taking ‘likes’ out of context and making assumptions based on them is annoying, weird, and intrusive.

So call me an introvert if thats what ‘like’-ing In N Out means! [img via Jared Atkins]

The fact that, as individuals, we are now scrutinized and judged upon what pages we click on, is disheartening. Our personal identities have thus been commandeered by the simplistic digital decisions we make and the click of a like button. The study by the University of Cambridge lays out a table of predictive ‘likes’ and what they indicate. Apparently, the pages “I Love Being A Mom” and “Lady Antebellum” are indicators of a low IQ, whereas “Morgan Freeman’s Voice”, “The Godfather”, and “Curly Fries” are indicators of a high IQ. First of all, there are countless highly intelligent, career driven, and smart women who love being moms. Take Marissa Mayer for instance: she loves being a mom, and as a CEO I would assume she has a high IQ. This assumption is both sexist, and probably just as irrelevant as the relationship of liking “Curly Fries” to your IQ is. Additionally, our ‘likes’ can also reveal if we are an introvert with few friends, or an extrovert with many friends. Liking “Jennifer Lopez”, “Michael Jordan” and “Biology” means you are extroverted with many friends. On the other hand, pages like “In n Out Burger”, “The Dark Knight” and “Videogames” indicate introvert with few friends. To me, these all seem entirely irrelevant. What if you enjoy going to In N Out and watching The Dark Knight with a big group of your friends? These pages certainly cannot be predictors of the type of people we are or how we see ourselves.

What Facebook and corresponding commercial companies that use this data are doing is stereotyping the users. Apply this to offline life. How would you like it if you just met someone and told them you once read the book, Fifty Shades of Grey, and naturally they assume you are into S&M, and probably into the Twilight series? Is that a fair assumption that should be made? It’s ludicrous right? People shouldn’t do that, so why should Facebook and other data mining companies? Your Facebook profile, and other online personal profiles for that matter, should be the information that you post and want others to see. It should reflect you solely because, well, you put that information out there. Your profiles should not be a wealth of information for companies to use and make out of context assumptions about you. The user should be able to control their online presence and not have it be constructed by some impersonal algorithm that assumes that IF a user ‘likes’ X, THEN they must be Y and act accordingly.

We’re much more complex individuals than that. We have to give ourselves some credit.

ICYMI: March Roundup

YOUCANKISSMYSASS — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 20:11:26 +0000

We were all MAD about March. Here’s what I, MADeleine thought was MAD cool about March… see what I did there?

March Madness:

I don’t think anyone makes a bracket and is like, “WOW my bracket is doing so well! Great picks, me!”… like, ever. What’s great about NCAA March Madness is it’s both predictable and has a few exciting story lines in there too. Like Florida Gulf Coast University. Who woulda thought? Harvard had their short lived moment too. Maybe you had Ohio State University going to the ‘ship because youre in love with Aaron Craft. No? Oh. Speaking of basketball, and Dunk City… this month a monumental dunk happened. DeAndre Jordan of the LA Clippers completely owned Brandon Knight while dunking on him. Calling it now – dunk of the year.

My man De Andre Jordan is definitely not sorry.

North Korea:

So everyone’s always been on edge with North Korea. They’re like your senile grandpa who sits at the family dinner quietly, but if something goes wrong or upsets him, the shit hits the fan. Between being critical of the late Kim Jong-il’s relationship with neighboring countries and the USA, to his inspiring fashion statements – sunglasses 24/7 + neutral collared jacket oh yes, we (as in Americans) have always been in a weird place with North Korea. Then, this month, Dennis Rodman decides to hang out with Kim Jong Un and since then, the two have since developed quite the bromance (Rodman claims he’s vacationing with Jong Un in August). This is no different than a Mean Girls-esque situation, and someone needs to tell Rodman that North Korea and the USA are giving eachother the silent treatment and “YOU CAN’T HANG OUT WITH HIM! YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE OUR FRIEND!” WTF Rodman, does nuclear war mean ANYTHING to you?!

AT&Ts Commercial Game:

If there’s one thing I am absolutely in love with on TV right now it’s Beck Bennett, the guy in all of AT&T’s commercials as of late. The dry humor, a man with kids… swoon. More importantly, these commercials are GENIUS. AT&T is killing the commercial game right now. They’re topping the list of the top 10 Social TV Commercials… something that some advertisers only dream of doing. The kids are cute, the shit they say is priceless (have you seen the Nicky Flash one?), and while maybe you don’t care about what AT&T has to offer, you’re definitely going to talk about it with your friends or Tweet about it… I know I have on multiple times. This month (last week actually) AT&T pulled out all the stops during March Madness and aired a commercial with Bennett’s adorable straight faced humor, but the cute racially diverse, sassy, talkative children, were replaced by basketball greats like Bill Russell, Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Larry Bird. Amazing. AT&T is seriously killing it. Their commercials are almost entertaining enough to makeup for the shitty service I get out here.

RETURN OF DD. LORD HAVE MERCY. [img via Tumblr]

GIRLS Season 2 Finale:

This season was a flop. Yeah, you read that right. I’m a huge fan of Lena Dunham. Seriously, I love her. I get her sense of humor, I encourage her excessive nudity, and I like her IDGAF attitude. I loved GIRLS season 1. I loved Hannah – she’s quirky, a writer, confident, and hilarious. Jessa is a badass bohemian, Shoshanna is a anxiety-filled JAP, and Marnie is a stuck up, self centered, wanna-be yuppie. All characters we can identify with, I’m sure. In terms of relationships, all of the girls showed in their own ways that, although an integral part of their lives, men weren’t a necessary addition. However, this season, they all seemed so dependent on men – something that really turned me off on this. Whether it was Shoshanna & Ray, Hannah & Adam, Jessa and her daddy problems, and Marnie & Jonathan/Charlie. It was unbecoming. A very unbecoming trait of you GIRLS.

Jon Hamm’s Ham:

Mad Men Season 6 premiers this Sunday. If youre a female (or homosexual male for that matter) you’re excited to see Don Draper in a suit every Sunday night. I know I’ve missed that in my life. However, people have been onto Jon Hamm lately for a little more than just his suit-wearing, whiskey-drinking perfection of DD. This month the media has been in a frenzy over pictures of Jon Hamm’s rather large package. People are freaking out. Clearly the public cannot handle the sexiness that is Jon Hamm. Hamm, on the other hand is not basking in the glory, but instead is pretty fucking pissed off, ”They’re called ‘privates’ for a reason,” he says. “I’m wearing pants, for fuck’s sake. Lay off. I mean, it’s not like I’m a fucking lead miner. There are harder jobs in the world. But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my cock, I feel like that wasn’t part of the deal … But whatever. I guess it’s better than being called out for the opposite”. Yeah Jon Ham.. it is much better. #WWDDD (WhatWouldDonDraperDo)

Top Search Engine Terms For YOUCANKISSMYSASS.COM:

“#questionablesearchhistory” The fact that someone is googling this says plenty to their character.
“#integritychallenged” Really, don’t read too into LuLu, guys.
“brian wilson beard”
“20 shameful things”
“ok glass dorks” LOL. I’m picturing some asshole interrupting Google developers and being like, “OK, glass dorks..”
“take yourself off of lulu app” There’s a way I’m sure, but maybe you should consider a few other things to work on.
“jennifer lawrence says fuck” She does. I’m wondering if the searcher wanted a video of J Law saying the expletive, or they wanted to know how many times, or… what?
“what does trustfund baby mean” It means that if youre asking this then your parents are filthy rich and you’ve never had to worry about being paid on time. Probably.
“how to tie a turban”
“feet fetish shoe department” I know right?
No one sleeps like that. Seriously. [via zap2it.com]

Other notable things that happened in March:

-So like Tilda Swinton slept in a glass box at the MOMA for an exhibition and we all instagrammed it and thought it was artsy. No. As Sarah Lakshmi says, “It is a sad day for art when some random British actress can sleep in a museum and all the homeless people have to sleep outside”. True that sistahfriend.
-This really shouldn’t be newsworthy and the whole Lindsay Lohan thing is so overdone and excessive, but I must say, she’s not at the top of the list on my classy chart, but the woman did put herself together pretty well for her court date wearing a sheer pants and top from 3.1 Phillip Lim. She did good. In other trashy celebrity news this month, Amanda Bynes has officially gone crazy chick.

What we can look forward to in April:

As I said before, Don Draper is gracing our lives again every Sunday starting this weekend. Mad Men. Baseball is back! If that’s not enough for you, the movie on Jackie Robinson, 42, comes out April 12th. Also, 4/20 is this month so naturally we’re all celebrating… Earth Day. Right?

Spring Cleaning: Unclog your Chakras – They’re Supposed to Be a Big Deal Or Something Like That.

YOUCANKISSMYSASS — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 00:29:25 +0000

Your chakras are your centers of your vital energy, or prana. These exist at central parts of your body – main arteries, organs, etc. After a certain amount of time, our chakras get blocked, bogged down, and cluttered. Sometimes we find these centers of energies at an imbalance. All of these things negatively effect our being and our outlook on life. Spring cleaning is the time to clear our chakras, clear our minds, and de-clutter.

You’re all like, I couldn’t give two shits about my cha-chas or chakras

[via tumblr]

I’m like, Whatever! Here’s your guide to spring cleaning!:

Spirit: The Crown Chakra

Be happier. Cut out the shit that annoys you, pisses you off, or aggravates you. Its unnecessary. Just do it. It’s pretty simple.

Psychic: The Third Eye Chakra

Let’s be honest, no one has an answer to “What are you doing with your life?”. Only douchebags ask that question anyways. I have no idea. I have no goals. I have no images of my future. I do, however, believe in short term, attainable goals. Like what can you do now to improve your life for the next week, the next month? Find what drives you. Who or what inspires you? Motivates you? Figure. It. Out. But other than that, I’ve got nothing for you here. What counts is that I have a third eye muthaf*****s.

When people ask you what you’re doing with your life:

[via tumblr]

Communication: The Throat Chakra

Relationships are important, but it’s actually a fact that most couples breakup either before Christmas or before/during Spring break. It’s the shittiest thing too, because the weathers just getting warm again and things are looking up and BLAM! Hoop, there it is. Also, people often just want someone to cuddle up with in the cold months so they opt for the relationship. But in some cases it needs to happen. All part of that chakra cleansing. Maybe its not only the time for relationships to end but for our emotional attachments to as well. Time to re-evaluate your priorities, find what matters. Deep shit, I know. It’d be advisable to detox all of your relationships. Those friendships / relationships that are toxic to you? As they say, ixnay on the elationshipsray! They don’t actually say that. I don’t know who ‘they’ even is anyways. I just wanted to say that. But in all seriousness, though it may feel great to have millions of acquaintances and tons of friends, sometimes you need to cut the shit out if it isn’t proving to be positive for you. Maybe you don’t like cutting your ties, whatever. A good place to start is to edit your phone contacts. You’d be suprised how many randos you’ll find – and at the same time, how many funny things you’ll remember whilst going through them. While youre at it, take it a step further and clean out your Facebook friends. Count on your meaningful relationships. Its all about the quality, not the quantity. That being said, work on the relationships that DO matter to you. Don’t let them fall by the wayside.

When you decide your through with your Facebook friends’ pointless updates and stupid pictures with their boyfriends:

[via tumblr]

Heart: The Heart Chakra

I can sit here and say, eat healthy! Start off with a great juice cleanse! No carbs! Only fruits and veggies! That’d be nice huh? But forreal? No one has time for that. Let’s face it, you’re not going to diet. I mean, you’ll probably starve yourself for 24hrs before you have to get into your first bikini of the season. But as far as proactive decisions go, it aint gonna happen. What I do suggest, if youre trying to be healthier, is to record or write down everything you put into your mouth (foodwise… you know). Just do it. Maybe after a week or so you’ll sit back and look at it and be like “Goddamn I intake like a garbage can in Times Square!”, or “How am I alive if this is all I eat?”, or maybe you come from some higher power and will be like “Damn, killed it. Anyone want nutrition classes?”. In any case, its always good to be consciously aware of what youre eating. What you decide to do with that information is all on you bro. If you want to cut out certain things, add in more nutrients, yaddayaddayadda, that’s all you, totally commend you for it. While you become aware of what youre eating its also a great idea to get some healthy exercise in there too. I’m kind of a fitness addict/junkie so I’m in no place to give solid advice here, but the endorphins bro… amazing.

So first youre like:

[via tumblr]

But then youre like:

[via tumblr]

Life Force: The Solar Plexus Chakra

Whos always had your back? The fam bam. Call your family. You probably haven’t in awhile. Chat up with the relatives, even if you just listen to them vent. It’s good to remind the people you love that you’re there and you do in fact love them every so often. They are your biggest supporters anyways.

Creative: The Splenic Chakra

You have that creative drive or you don’t. You have style, swag, or an eye for things, or you don’t. There’s no changing that, who are we kidding? Sorry you’re a basic bitch.

The Earth: Root Chakra

We all hate cleaning. But you really shouldn’t live in a pig sty. Start by doing your laundry, that’s a simple start. Then you can move on to taking out whatever moldy, smelly ass thing that has been penetrating your nose in your refrigerator. Get that stank out. Throw away old shit, not just food, but also unnecessary crap lying around. Just think about that those episodes of Hoarders where the hoarders go crazy psycho. Maybe even throw away/donate old clothes. I know, its hard to part with them. When my mom used to go through my closets and pick out clothes to donate, I would go into hysterics. Speaking of Hoarders, I’d get as bad as they do on the show – where they have their mental break down and need to sit down and start getting grouchy and yell at everyone throwing shit into the dumpsters. “WHAT IS THAT YOURE THROWING AWAY?! OF COURSE I WANT TO KEEP MY WALKMAN FROM 1991! IT STILL WORKS, DOESN’T IT?!” Grow some balls and do it.

You try to be a better person and spring clean your life, but instead youre like:

[via tumblr]

If youre not a strong proponent of spring cleaning and personal improvement, I don’t blame you one bit. Naturally we probably are all lazy anyways. As idealistic as it sounds, and as much as you’re like “I’m starting fresh! Here’s to new beginnings! Clean slate” blah blah blah, most of us lack the willpower. If you do, then you deserve a gold fucking star! Either way, at the end of the day, you can always opt for a colonoscopy. I’m sure that’ll do wonders for those chakras.