Queen Elizabeth celebrated her 60th Anniversary on the throne this year. Thats a big fucking deal. Imagine being dedicated to something for six decades. Mmmhhm. Speaking of those classy Brits, this year they also hosted the 2012 Olympics, where the world fell in love with Tom Daley, and the rest of us gazed in awe at the Fab 5. This year we also learned what it was like when inanimate objects were personified over Twitter, when Curiosity landed on Mars. This, was probably one of the most adorable moments of 2012 – my heart melted. Funny enough, this was the same time I realized I had a heart. Who would’ve known! Remember when that
senile old lady in Spain wanted to restore an old ass fresco of Jesus’ face in her church and it was soon dubbed the “worst restoration job in history”? By far, my favorite story of 2012. You BET her 2012, was much better than yours. She is now an “artist” in her own right, and her work is now notorious. What else could you ask for? [Read more about the Ecce Homo Restoration]
Relive the Best of KISSMYSASS in 2012 (according to analytics):
Predictions for 2013:
- Jenny McCarthy will wake up and realized the dude that her Twitter followers elected for her to kiss on live TV on New Years Eve gave her a bad case of oral herpes. (Also, was she drunk out of her mind on NYE?! Please discuss.)
- Paisley makes an even stronger resurgence than it already has. My dream has then become complete.
- The KimYe baby will be birthed. Never ever be as classy or cool as baby Suri or Blue Ivy. Also, Kim K will never lose the baby weight, thus making her ass look somewhat normal.
- People will realize Hillary Clinton is BO$$. Not just as a lady. In general. Overall bad ass-ness
- PSY will write a song in English. And inspire a new dance movement similar to Gangam Style. It will also include the riding the horse movement.
- American Idol will receive its lowest ratings as of yet. Considering Mariah Carey is a host, and she only knows how to sing with her hands. So naturally if you don’t know how to sing with flamboyant hand gestures, you will not be liked by the Glitter diva. Nicki Minaj is also a judge… I find her frightening when she is not with her little posse of 5 year old Sophia Grace and that blonde one.
- 50 Shades of Grey movie will materialize. Thereby letting you see the true colors (get it?) of your middle aged mom, moms friends, etc. Cringe inducing? Very much so.
- Les Miserables will win like, a million awards. One which should be titled, “Most Adorable Brit with Freckles On His Face and Oh Yeah He Sings Okay Too”. Additionally, it will be the year of said recipient, Eddie Redmayne. He’ll step outside of the realm of Burberry modeling and Masterpiece Classics and become a mainstream heartthrob. [Google Image Search: 'Eddie Redmayne Burberry' ...you're welcome]
- Women will again find their rights infringed upon in the public sphere and in politics. This will (already have) create a resurgence of feminism/post feminism. Thus sparking the Great Debate of the twenty something females: “Am I a Feminist? Or Not?”
- Everyone will realize Washington and Colorado knew what they were doing when they legalized Mary Jane.
- Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift will come to a realization that their worlds don’t revolve around the opposite sexes. They’ll say, Imma do ME this year! and be single, and stop polluting the radio / mainstream music industry with their music about the boy / girl in their life.
- Beyonce will KILL IT at halftime in the Superbowl.
- Following the example of the Tupac hologram from Coachella will be a Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix hologram, who will go on tour with Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr and the rest of the holographic Beatles. You’ll have to pay your first born for tickets to this concert. Think the Hurricane Sandy Relief concert, 121212, times 572.
I have plenty of other predictions for 2013. But we’ll leave it at that. I’m calling it now:
2013 is about to get really weird.
I am an honest person. This is an honest blog. I would never lie to you or myself, for that matter. That being said, my New Years Resolutions are not full of unattainable bullshit I have no desire of actually doing. I will not vow to go to the gym every day or lose 10 lbs by December 2013 or will I resolve to eat healthier because truth is, it aint happening. So instead, I’ve decided on a few, pretty attainable resolutions for 2013. By New Years Resolution, read: my sad attempt at being a better person, but what does it matter anyways. Will I forget them? Probably. Most likely. Absolutely.
- Lessen dependency on social media. I’m clearly addicted. Has a 12 step program been invented yet? It certainly doesn’t help when you’re majoring in media, culture and communication and minoring in web development… you’re essentially surrounded by the Internet. It’s kind of inescapable. Often I find myself turning into a zombie, just staring at my Facebook newsfeed full of the unimportant things people I don’t care much about are saying. Then 2 hours later I realize, What the fuck am I doing? I couldn’t give two shits about this person’s day. Just being honest. But seriously, I’m going to attempt to slowly outphase my addiction. Kind of like a baby weaning off the nipple.
- Take school a little more seriously. Actually… take LIFE a little more seriously. I tend to make a joke out of everything. Clearly, it’s my coping mechanism and how I get by day to day.
- Stop being a flake. This year I used too many excuses, “Sorry long day at work today”/”I have a paper due tomorrow”/I don’t feel like human intenraction right now, etc. when In actuality I’m in bed watching netflix, getting takeout, and eating infront of my computer whilst browsing Craigslit Missed Connections.
- Be a nicer person. This includes working on my perpetual bitch face. This year I’m going to try to not wear my PBF 24/7. We will see how this goes. By nicer person I mean stop treating everyone as if they are just as miserable as I am. By nicer person I mean to acknowledge the people around me, rather than act as if they don’t exist. It’s a work in progress.
- Show people I care. I’m terrible when it comes to expressing human emotion… or any kind of compassion / caring / love. This too will be a work in progress… we’ll start with getting used to getting and giving hugs without being awkward this year… I think that might be an attainable goal maybe?
- Eat better. No, not healthier. Well, that’s in the works too. But eat better meaning it’s okay to TREAT YO SELF!
- Give up on sleep completely. I’ve long accepted the fact that I’m an insomniac. What I have trouble accepting is that I can, in fact function on little to no sleep. I force myself to sleep sometimes, with the help of sleeping pills and melatonin. 2013, I vow to let sleep come naturally, if it happens, it happens. If not, it’s totally okay to be sleep deprived for months at a time. It’ll be fine. I’ve tapped out of this battle.
- Spend less money. Live like I should be on the streets. Keyword to 2013 will be minimalism. HA. If you know me, you know this word is absolutely not in my vocabulary. But we’ll try at it. Try saving some dinero.
- Swear less. Probably the biggest complaint about my writing, and about how I speak in general. “You swear too much”, “Did you just say that?” etc. It doesn’t phase me to be honest. I swear a shit ton. Did it ever occur to you people that maybe, just maybe, I’m naturally a crass and vulgar person? … Wait, who the fuck are we trying to kid here. This is not going to happen.
What is YOUR New Years Resolution for 2013?
I’m sure my blogposts throughout this coming year are bound to be evidence that I have been unsuccessful at my set attempts to be a better person this year.
Cheers to you 2012. It’s nice to call you over and done.
The season of summer has not ended yet, but the fact that I find myself packing back up to head back to New York City (YAY!) to start school in September (Meh), basically means that my summer is essentially over. SO, in honor of the end of my summer, I put together an non-comprehensive list of the lessons, realizations, thoughts, what have you, that I have gleaned from this summer.
- The Summer Olympics only happens every four years due to overstimulation. Duh. First of all, both the opening and closing ceremonies were likened to being on an LSD trip. It was weird, and it made me feel uncomfortable, yet super artsy and creative and interesting. Second of all, the world needs four years to
forgetput aside their countries’ heartthrobs (Read: Tom Daley, Michael Phelps, Ryan Lochte, Jake Dalton etc), and prepare their libido for the next fresh, young batch.
- No man will ever break my heart and play with my emotions the way the 40 men on the SF Giants team have. Pablo being injured, then playing, then injured again, the whole Melky Cabrera scandal, Tim Lincecum not pitching his finest season, they know how to add insult to injury. Its been an emotional roller coaster thus far in the season, but I’m no fair weather fan..
- I’m pretty good at picking people’s spirit animals. Just ask my coworkers. They, on the other hand, suck at it. Apparently I am a llama, because seemingly I am sweet, but upon further inspection I spit at people. Well, perhaps this is true. Spitting in the figurative way.
- Likewise, my whole pool staff and co-workers and boss think I need to keep my pants on. In conversation my boss called me a “horndog”, and when my coworkers and staff evaluated my strengths and weaknesses, one person said my weaknesses were “firemen” (I thourougly appreciated that one, since, we all know I have no weaknesses. Joke).
- Firemen. Firemen are my weakness. And baseball players. And well dressed men. And Olympians. And European men. Especially the French. And the Spanish. I guess you can say I’m indiscriminate in my tastes.
- The unspoken dress code is obviously so much more incredibly lax than in the city. Here I can get away with wearing sweats all day, whereas in NYC I would undoubtedly be mistaken for a homeless person. Here there is such thing as being over dressed. In the city, there is no such thing as being overdressed.
- Working at a pool is by far, the BEST birth control… EVER. Worried about teen pregnancy? Send your kid to work at my pool, your worries are gone. I don’t know what it is, swimming pools must bring out the worst in children or something.
- Having visited and seen the elegant beauties of Yacht Club de Monaco, and the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, its safe to say I’ve seen some of the finest yachts and cars in the world. It was quite impressive. Have you ever seen a red carpet for a car? I did, it was a bit weird. But lets be honest, these toys are a serious overcompensation for something lacking in these men. However, I wouldn’t mind having my own yacht/fancy car one day.
- I am the daughter of a lush. Therefore, this summer, drinking with my mother has been exquisitely divine. Getting drunk before/during/after dinners, during the day, before bed, in the morning, etc. Except that one time my best friend had to essentially haul/carry my mom and I around on Fourth of July due to a case of too many deadly sangrias. I love you Malia.
- Speaking of my best friend, its always good to know that a friendship that has lasted for 15 years will always be there, despite the distance.No matter how much time we spend apart, or don’t get a chance to talk to each other, nothing ever changes. Thanks for being my BFFFL!
- Summertime requires a significant amount of work. Shaving your legs, making sure your thighs aren’t too flabby in shorts, that your swimsuit fits appropriately, applying sunscreen hour after hour, being hot, being sweaty, getting sand everywhere, getting grass everywhere, having to blast air conditioning in your car, sweating, finding shade… honestly, the list can go on. Summertime in California is reeeeeeeeeeeal tough.
- I have heard, through word of mouth, and view numbers on my blog, etc. that a lot of you guys actually read my blog world wide! I am ecstatic about this, considering I couldn’t simply imagine my rantings and thoughts being of interest to anyone else (Special shout out to Liz & Tori Emery who are not only lovely readers, but the ultimate purveyors of all things classy and sassy!). Or perhaps its just my excessive, obnxious spamming on Facebook and Twitter that bring you guys here. But in all seriousness though, I appreciate it! Please, feel free to say hello, comment, share your thoughts, etc. I love feedback, and I quite possibly love you!
This blog will be a continuation of my old blog, kissmysass which you can visit HERE. After a few years of using blogspot, and then neglecting my blog, and then trying to get back into it again, and then neglecting it… I’ve decided just to continue it over WordPress. Blogspot is so passe and so 2010… and their shit with Google, I don’t want to be a part of it.
But what was kissmysass? Just a compilation of my rants really. I’d do “Class vs. Unclassy” posts, “shoeporn” posts, etc. Whatever I feel like, to be honest.
Who am I? I’m a twenty-something native Californian, living in New York City. I’m studying Media, Culture, and Communication with a minor in Web Development at NYU. I’m a sports junkie, sweets connoisseur, and lover of all things classy. I love my life, my family, my friends, my boyfriend, the city I grew up in and the city I now dwell in.
Looking forward to spewing my thoughts on here.