DO dress appropriately. I get it, you’re in the desert, it’s unbearably hot, and you’ve worked on that summer body for awhile now (AKA you’ve been on a liquid diet for the past week). So naturally you want to flaunt it. My advice: keep it classy. Leave something to the imagination. Where’s the fun if you’ve exposed all of your goods already. Likewise, for the SF Outside Lands go-ers, we all know that Golden Gate Park gets blanketed by fog, no matter what the forecast is. That being said, prepare for the cold.
DON’T be afraid to take those fashion risks. This is the time you’ve been waiting for. To wear that leopard print crop top with that chain headband, and neon yellow high waisted shorts and compliment it with a fannypack. Why the f*** not? This is the only time you can get away with looking like, well… anything. The beer soaked grass is your runway. YOU BETTA WERQ!DO familiarize yourself with the bands. You don’t want to be that dude who doesn’t know if alt-J is a band or some type of abbreviation. There are a lot of people who actually go to see their favorite bands play. At the very least, fake it.
DON’T be a groupie. I mean, its inevitable band groupies pop up. But chill. Also, a lot of celebrities A-D listers, go to Coachella, Lollapalooza, Outside Lands, SXSW, because they’re human beings and they enjoy the arts and music and getting drunk and being trendy too! I love LiLo just as much as the next person, but I’m sure she just wants to kick back under the Indio sun, and enjoy some Major Lazer, sans paparazzi and fans flocking around her. After all, Coachella was her last little hurrah before rehab.
DO make a fool out of yourself. Music can only provide us with so much entertainment.
DO make a creative totem / group marker. I don’t think Coachella allows these anymore, but the greatest artistry I’ve seen has been the totems / group markers at Outside Lands. You know what I’m talking about? When you’re in a huge group and need to find where your homies went, you just look in the crowd and find your group’s marker or flag or totem or whatever. Best one I’ve seen so far was King Joffrey’s head on a stick. Amazing.
DON’T say you’re poor. I do this all the time. Well, I don’t ‘do’ it, but I spend a lot of money on concert tickets and music festival tickets to find myself near broke. You do it too I’m sure. Dish out $400 for a festival pass, more or less $300 for airfare, outrageous $$$ on booze etc. and even more ridiculous amounts of cash money on your ultimate outfits for the weekend. Boo hoo, you’re poor. How unfortunate.
DO take craploads of pictures and Instagram them all. Because you love making people jealous! “Look where I am and where youre not!” “Look how fashionably trendy and cute I am in 90 degree desert heat!” People won’t be bitter at all.
DON’T worry. Have a great time. Do you think anyone gave a flying sh** at Woodstock? Peace.
Happy Music Festival Season!
So it’s Monday, and I’m currently nursing a Outside Lands hangover. For those of you who don’t know, Outside Lands is a 3 day music festival in San Francisco’s (No, not Frisco, or San Fran… its San Fran-fucking-cisco) Golden Gate Park. Headliners this years included Beck, Foo Fighters, Stevie Wonder, Jack White, Alabama Shakes, Franz Ferdinand, Metallica, Justice, Neil Young, Passion Pit, etc… very much comparable to the likes of Lollapalooza or Coachella. Despite the fact that most of San Francisco was about 60 degrees all weekend, Golden Gate Park, which is perpetually covered in a blanket of motherfucking fog, it was about negative degrees fahrenheit in my book. That not only separated the local San Franciscans (who came prepared and appropriately dressed) from the out of towners (who were dressed for the desert heat of Coachella), but also made for interesting music festival fashion.
I’ve concluded that at music festivals there are two types of people:
1) The people that spent far too long and tried too hard to look like their outfit is effortless. I’m totally allowed to make fun of these people because I constantly find myself under this category. Girls will have purposefully disheveled hair, and meticulously placed strands of hair with a headband that looks all to casual, yet probably was about $30 at Free People. They probably spent about 20 minutes in the mirror trying to find the best off shoulder top which truly accentuated their collarbones, as well as another 10 minutes picking the right maxi skirt that hangs perfectly on the hips. Their outfit says “I spent hours picking this out and getting ready, but doesn’t it look like I threw it on in a rush super casual and shit?” Despite the fact that she’ll be wearing her aviators to hide her bloodshot eyes from smoking too much weed, she’ll still spend another 20 minutes perfecting her eye makeup. Guys on the other hand have less dilemmas to deal with… but that doesn’t mean its all the more easier for them. Its quite the challenge picking which bro tank compliments their neon shorts. You’d be suprised. 2) The people that simply don’t care at all. These are the coolest people by far. Their Doc Martens are probably vintage, and there’s a good chance that they’re wearing the same pants from last night… but who cares? They look kickass, and hardly have to try at it, so that’s all that matters really. Their hippie-like, unwashed, stringy hair suprisingly looks somewhat stylish, despite the fact that its just bedhead/caked with sweat. These people can also pull off the big ass, John Lennon inspired, rounded sunglasses, that would make anyone else look like they belong in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. The guys on the other hand can be spotted wearing MC Hammer pants, pajama pants, a band T-shirt, possibly velcro Teva spandals, a vintage snap back, or any other piece of clothing coming from a $5 bin in a thrift store on Haight street. Also included in this category are the Original Hippies of SF which can be found on the hills of the outskirts of the stages, dancing like no one’s watching (oh, but they are), and swaying mindlessly. These people don’t care as much about what they look like than getting to see their favorite bands and smoking copious amounts of marijuana, eating edibles, and finding the best munchies. Everyone wants to be these people’s best friend. There also a third category that exists in music festival fashions the people that didn’t make any effort at all to dress up… or any effort in life for that matter. Need an example for this one? Just YouTube ‘Ultra Girl’… actually don’t, I’ll save your eyes. Three words: Hot. Fucking. Mess.
The music, as always, was incredible. A few thoughts on a few of the acts we saw at Outside Lands.
Zola Jesus. Artist I most want to have as my spirit animal.
Alabama Shakes. The band that if you haven’t heard their music before, you really, absofuckinglutely need to right now. NOW. The lead singer is sassy as fuck too.
Norah Jones. Wait what? When did she become popular amongst males 20-25?
fun. Never judge a band by their hit single. They’re so much more than that. And really, really, fun.
Santigold. I aspire to dance like her and her backup dancers. Biggest dance party aside from Skrillex.
Ultimately the weekend was a huge success. The music was superb, the people were awesome, the environment was to die for, and the munchies were fantastic (Bahn Mi sandwiches, funnel cakes, Karas cupcakes, galore).
- The weather’s getting warm here in NYC. It’s time to flash those pretty legs and bare arms! Skirts, tanks, sundresses, shorts, sunglasses. So lovely. Summer weather and summer clothes though, so CLASSY.
- With the lovely weather comes a lot of nuisances. Especially in NYC. There’s an art to not sweating your makeup off on the subway, trust me. Also planning outfits accordingly so when you go from the hot, gross, humidity outside to air conditioning blasting in a room, you’re prepared. These, my friends, are #HotProblems…. This recent video, however, entitled Hot Problems, is, in my opinion UNCLASSY. Seriously? Booo freaking hoooo life must be so hard because you’re so “hot”. I really hope that this is a joke video… not two girls really hoping to become like, Rebecca Black status.
- Speaking of music, lets switch it over to GOOD music. Last month Coachella kicked off the 2012 music festival season. Lollapalooza, Outside Lands, Bonaroo all have great things in store. Lovely people, lovely music, a lovely time. Enjoy responsibly CLASSY.
- Who doesn’t love getting wild, crazy and wasted while listening to AMAZING music? It’s all part of the experience at music festivals. But when you get to the point where you’re acting like the infamous, albeit funny, “Girl at Ultra” humping trees, etc.. then you cross a line my friend. Poor thing. UNCLASSY
- We all know the Met Gala is the classiest event of the year for New Yorkers and celebrities, fashion and the art world alike. Red carpets omit classiness. As usual, there are always fashion faux pas. Take for instance, Leighton Meester, who – under normal circumstances, I typically love. Her Marchesa confection she donned at the gala was beautiful… the rest of her, not so much. I’m in a tough place deciding whether her beautiful dress outweighed her tanning / self tanner mishaps, or whether the self tanner got ahold of Leighton and attacked her. What do you guys think?! CLASSY? or UNCLASSY?
- Supposedly, Snooki quit tanning and is opting for some self-tanner lotions instead. You go girl! In other tanning news, the tanorexic mom of NJ, scares the living shit out of me. The only reason I stopped having nightmares of her was seeing Kristen Wiig on SNL impersonate her. Bringing your children (as in younger than tweenage) to a tanning salon, UNCLASSY.
- North Carolina passing an amendment stating that “marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state”, thus depriving people, regular citizens, of a right. UNCLASSY.
- Obama, on ABCNews taking a stance and endorsing the marriage of same-sex couples. CLASSY.
Stay classy my friends.
Welp, this weekend wrapped up Coachella 2012. So while I wallow in self pity and complain about how I wasn’t there getting my hippie boho summer style on, I’ll also talk about my favorite celeb Coachella styles. By far, the best picture I’ve seen from Coachella is of Kimbra and Florence Welch. Two of my favorites. Both of these classy dames just look absolutely radiant, sigh. Azaelia Banks, on the other hand, popped her American performance cherry this year at Coachella. Love this bad bitch. Slightly obsessed with “212″, her anthem for all fierce New York City girls? Um, absolutely yes. I have nothing much to say about Diane Kruger except that she’s as fantastic as usual, she has the classiest, understated style ever, and I’m in love. Lea Michele, she looks gorgeous here… if she was at the Kentucky Derby. Girl, this is not a WASP meeting. You’re at Coachella… cut the Rachel Berry act. Harsh world, right? Another Coachella style that I found super interesting was Alexa Chung. I absolutely love the girls style, and I adore her for rocking the designer frock. Last but not least we have LiLo. She looked GOOD. And by good, I mean, she didn’t look like a crack whore. Sans the botox lips, LiLo looks amazing. She’s back to her natural locks – Cheers to you reds, you officially have another busty spokeswoman next to Christina Hendricks… if only we could all be so lucky. But in all seriousness, totally rooting for LiLo – comeback of the Disney childhood star. I think yes. You go girl! Way to keep it classy.