Netflix’s Q1 results have shown solid and promising. And everyone is all of a sudden surprised by this? Seriously Forbes, if you took a second and looked around, you’d realize that pretty much 87% of Americans have a Netflix account – even if they’re using a friends’ account, and that of the typical American’s week, 13% of it is spent on Netflix. Just kidding, I made that all up, but it sounded absurdly true, right? Might as well be. What was life before Netflix? You’d lay in bed and what, turn on the TV, and what? Watch local news? Gross. Whether we like to admit it or not, Netflix is pretty damn life changing.
When Netflix has all 10 seasons of a TV show you want to watch…
Development of addictive personalities.
Due to Netflix have I developed an addictive personality. Actually, it may have started when at the end of my freshman year of college I decided to treat myself and buy a giant boxed set of every season, and movie of the Sex and the City franchise. I watched every single disc, movie, and episode within a week (that’s 94 episodes and 2 movies)… finals week might I add. Although I finished that semester on the Dean’s List, I found myself jonesing hardcore for the next episode, “OMG CARRIE CHEATED ON AIDAN WITH BIG? WHAT IS POSSIBLY GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!” (sorry for the spoiler there, I mean, if it was a spoiler for you, then you really need to step up your game … like 7 years ago). My point is, when you have all the episodes to a show right there, in your face – it’s hard not to get addicted.
When I tell my friends I’m staying in tonight because I’m exhausted… but really I’m going to finish Season 2 of Mad Men…
A go-to excuse.
I’ve actually said the phrase, “No I can’t go out tonight, I’m watching Netflix” out loud to a group of people I didn’t know that well. And you know what, I was completely shameless about saying it too. Sadly, I / we live in a world where thats disgustingly acceptable. Also, can you really justify a night out when you spend upwards of $30 on drinks when you can sit at home and watch Breaking Bad, fo free?!
When you realize you don’t need a significant other, so long as you have Netflix…
Goes back to using Netflix as an excuse. Who needs a boyfriend when you have a bed, delivery food, and a Netflix subscription. Honestly. Or in some relationships, Netflix is the common ground, the center of the relationship… it’s happened. And at the end of the day, when relationships end… Netflix will still remain. Oh god, that Netflix… so dependable, everything you could ever hope for.
When you realize the longest standing relationship you’ve had is with your Netflix account…
Never have I spent a whole day with a person and not been annoyed. Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, but what I’m getting at is that sometimes we need our space. Netflix, on the other hand – I can spend multiple days with, and always want to come back for more. I want to be Netflix’s suffocating girlfriend. I LOVE YOU! I WANT TO SPEND EVERY WAKING SECOND WITH YOU! (not really, but you get the big idea, right?) I mean, Netflix always gives me more and more. Ever notice how when you finish an episode, Netflix knows to start the next episode in 20 seconds? That, right there my friends, is love. You got what I need baby.
Trying to escape your childhood…
I’m a huge fan of nostalgia. Actually, maybe not considering I just tried thinking of nostalgic foods, smells, images of my childhood but the only ones I could think of were associated with weird moments. Hmmm… The parts of my childhood that I do remember were the cartoons, movies and TV I watched. Recently, Netflix just penned a deal with Disney to distribute it’s old content. Amazing. Also added to that is Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon shows. Powerpuff Girls, SpongeBob SquarePants (who am I kidding, I’ve definitely seen an episode of this in the last year), Rugrats, Hey Arnold, and my ultimate favorite – Scooby Doo. Or maybe you simply just catch up on the childhood you never had. Either way, its nice to pretend your a kid again.
When Netflix announced the entire season 4 of Arrested Development will be released on May 26th…
Instant gratification is my middle name. I want it, and I want it now. Netflix rolled out all 13 episodes of House of Cards February 1st, which was game changing in the eyes of media makers. This is fantastic, because now media companies are thinking of following suit. Think about it this way… if you’re anything like me, you finished the entire first season of House of Cards by mid February. If it were to follow the traditional release schedule, this week, we’d be watching the final episode of the Kevin Spacey drama. Amazing? Absolutely. Now Netflix is releasing THE WHOLE ENTIRE SEASON 4 of Arrested Development on May 26th. Thank God I’ll be done with finals at this point. You’re all mine that week Netflix, just you, me, and the never nudes.
Media game changer.
Some people are super low key about what Netflix has done to the media world. HBO/Showtime are all like, “Oh its cool but like its not that awesome, Netflix will never be us srry”, and Viacom/Timewarner etc. are all like “Whatevs, everyone loves us big conglomerates, bow down”, while others are like “OMG Netflix is changing the game forevs!”… clearly I belong to the latter, just without as much enthusiasm. Honestly though, Netflix has changed our viewing practices, the way we see TV programming, and quite possibly, the way TV producers might make their content.
Sometimes Netflix is annoying / a nuisance. You get twitchy eyes from looking at your computer for extended periods of time. Or, after watching half a season of a show you realize you’ve done nothing with your life for the past 5 hours. Or maybe after an hour of scrolling through movies and TV shows, you realize your an indecisive sonofab**** and cannot pick something to watch for the life of you and that in itself is worrisome and annoying. Yeah, just blame it on Netflix. The fact of the matter is, so long as we crave entertainment, company, nostalgic things, Netflix will always have our back.
So I’m a week late on this, but who cares! I present to you, The 2013 Oscars Fashion Wrap Up with my good friend, Lindsey! (Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @lindseypsolomon)!
It’s awards season! Quite possibly one of my favorite times of the year. Celebrities, dresses, designers, red carpets, etc. But red carpet drama / award night drama is for another post (TBD). Its a magical and wonderful time! If you look past the beautiful dresses, celebrities, Oscar snubs, and WTF WHY IS TAYLOR SWIFT THERE?, then you remember that the movies are the real reason for these shenanigans.
5. The movie you wish was around when you were learning American History in middle school: LINCOLN
Obviously if you remotely remember anything you learned in you preparatory years of schooling and American history, you know the basic plot line of this. Lincoln was so more than a tall ass dude that wore big hats and freed the slaves. He had to deal with Sally Fields’ constant nagging, and having Joseph Gordon Levitt as a beautiful son that they didn’t want to lose. Also, did you catch the parallel of the US House of Reps then vs. now? Yeah, theyre still a bunch of quibbling, old, idiots who don’t get shit done.
4. The movie that stunned Hollywood and showed people that actors can act… and kind of sing too: LES MISERABLES
Tears. Thats what I emitted from my eyes after Anne Hathaway’s “I Dream a Dream”. I’m not an emotional person, but this did it for me (Let it be said that by for some freaky reason, the only other movie I cried in was Ladder 49… Such manly emotions from Joaquin Phoenix and John Travolta. I couldn’t handle it). People will bitch and moan about how Hugh Jackman and Russel Crowe etc. can’t sing. But if youre a real Les Mis fan, you were just ecstatic to see this in movie form. Oh, and Eddie Redmayne was easy on the eyes too.
3. The movie that showed me my inner sassy spirit animal: BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD
THIS CHICK! What’s her name? Zkjasnuqi Wldsafue? Kidding. Quvenzhane Wallis is like a nine year old girl, wearing her big girl/sassy pants who KILLS IT in this movie. This movie was super indie, which is probably why I loved it so much. Its an amazing story line that revolves around the balancing of the universe as seen through Hushpuppy and the southern delta community she lives in.
2. The movie that made Americans go “DA FUQ?! That happened?!”: ARGO
1980s style fashion, clandestine operations, and an amazing cast including John Goodman and Alan Arkin. Ben Affleck obviously needed to redeem himself after his JLo period (read: failed marriage and failed movie Gigli). Boston Ben did WERQ in this movie! It was amazing… historical, educational, great cast, and all of that shit that the CIA didn’t want you to know about. Speaking of which…
1. The movie that was the most stressful 2hr37min you ever experienced whilst clenching every muscle of your body including your butt cheeks: ZERO DARK THIRTY
Seriously OBSESSED with anything CIA related. Honestly would consider being in the CIA… but that would require being recruited, being smart, knowing like umpteen foreign languages, not being afraid of guns, and being extremely smart. All of which aren’t my thang. But like I’ve said, clandestine operations (conspiracy theories, political secrets, etc.) give me a lady boner. Throw in a mission executed brawny Navy Seals (of which included Taylor Kinney, I died), and the amazing Jessica Chastain as the gutsy, sassy, heroine, and I’m sufficiently satisfied. It also helped that Kathryn Bigelow directed another one of my favorites, Hurt Locker, so obviously I was bound to be in love with this movie. GO SEE IT! IT’S YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY.
*Sadly I didn’t see Silver Linings Playbook yet, thus cannot attest to its greatness. But I’m positively sure it belongs on this list too.
Like the rest of America, I too attributed to the $200 million opening weekend debut by seeing Avengers. Sorry ’bout it Harry Potter, looks like your ass just got kicked by a few mill.. jk, I love you HP. Considering that the Transformers movies are just about my favorite movies ever (I have an emotional attachment to Optimus Prime, okay?!), you bet my nerd side came out to see Avengers, and I loved it. While I was waiting in line to get into the theater, I was surrounded by super-fans wielding Thor hammers, or Captain America shields… All I could do was laugh. And make fun of them under my breath. But then I realized, who DOESN’T want to be a superhero?!
After watching the movie, I too wished I had some cool power, in particular, I wished I could wear the skin tight outfit Scarlett Johansonn wore throughout the movie all the time… I mean, black is a flattering color, right? If only. Upon further thought, I realized though, that take away the awesome costumes and crazy plotline etc. The Avengers are just like any dysfunctional group of friends…
- Iron Man – Robert Downey Junior. Sigh. The first thing you should know about me is what a HUGE RDJ fan I am, not only do I find him incredibly attractive (DILF status), I love the man for all he has done and all that he has become. Literally, in LOVE with him. In the movie, Iron Man is clearly that friend you have that always gets the guys / girls. Despite being a complete and utter douchebag, people will always come up to you and your friends and ask about him / her. Because your friends, you always will give them his/her number, but then think “Oh God, if they only knew”. This friend is also the richest friend – you know, that person who pays for everything, or puts it on her credit card. When you say “Oh I’ll pay you back later”, or “I don’t have change on me”, you thank God this person is your friend and is willing to pay for you (and probably knows they won’t be getting the money back).
- Captain America – I’m not a huge Chris Evans fan to be honest. He’s too perfect… those frosty blue eyes, that body… maybe I’m in denial. But if Captain America was to represent a person in your group of friends, he’d definitely be the prude. You probably don’t share your weekend adventures with this person because A) they won’t understand, or B) they’ll look down at you in disgust (if they don’t already). Usually they’re that party pooper. “Guys I dont’ think we should”, or “Thats not very nice to do that”, are among the phrases that emanate through this person’s mouth. Unfortunately, this person has something called morals. Ugh. Such a pain. Upside is they’re typically you’re conscience … downside is, you always try your best to ignore said conscience.
- The Hulk – To be honest here, I love Mark Ruffalo, I really do… but he ain’t some Dermot Mulroney who just gets better with age. He could do a lot better for his image. I think the last movie I was still vaguely attracted to him was in 13 Going on 30. In your group of friends, The Hulk is obvi the hot head of the group. They seriously have an alter ego… things can be fine, but if you cross this friend, shit WILL hit the fan. You probably avoid anything subversive or that might cause a conflict with this person, because you’ve seen the mess that happens when they get pissed off, and girl, it ain’t pretty.
- Thor – Chris Hemsworth, big brother to Miley Cyrus slogging, Gale playing, Liam Hemsworth. Verdicts still out on which brother is more attractive. Either way, its a win win situation… two brothers that look like that, AND are Australian… Hollywood is in good shape. Anyways, the Thor of your group has a god like complex. They may not be attractive or as the Iron Man of your friends, but they still think theyre the shit, regardless of whether they are or aren’t. This person needs a piece of some humble – pie. Its very common to roll your eyes, or ignore everything this person says because typically they’re full of shit.
- Black Widow & Hawkeye – These two are like that couple that’s been together since high school, and no matter how many times they break up, and get back together, and break up, you know they’ll get married and have cute little babies one day. At the same time, they’re relationship makes you gag.
- Fury – That witty friend with the one liners. Enough said. He keeps the group together with his comedic value as well as his douchebagerry, all of your friends join forces and secretly hate him.. but hate him together.
Clearly Avengers is a fan-fucking-tastic movie. Even if youre not a fan, or into Marvel or whatever, I still suggest you go see it…. like right now. Plus, an opportunity for Samuel Jackson one liners? Bring. It. On.