April generally sucks because its rainy and shit, and lets be honest, most people aren’t that forward thinking to see the bright side and wait for May flowers. But it’s a wrap for April, so let’s talk about it.Mad Love For Boston: Tragedy has a weird way of bringing a nation together. What happened in Boston was terrible. I’m not an emotional person. Rarely do I express my emotions, have emotions, or tell people about my emotions. I’ve been likened to a robot and have commonly been called an ice queen because of my nature. But when tragedies like what happened at the Boston Marathon happen, I start to feel. However, what really gets me super emotional is my love of sports. I’ve expressed a plethora of emotions in my relationship with sports – I’ve cried, laughed, cried of happiness, cried of sadness, been angry, been unreasonably angry… you get the picture. To see sports teams show love for Boston was too much for me. The Yankees giving Boston love, “Sweet Caroline” played at Yankee stadium and Fenway thanks to Neil Diamond, the national anthem at the Bruins game… I was a mess.
Spring Has Sprung: A lot of you ladies get way too ahead of yourselves and come out hard in those summer dresses. Chill. Out. Same with you bros out there in your bro tanks and flip flops and Chubbies shorts. Calling you out. Nah, but I get it! Spring is here, the weathers great… time to spend some time in the park and catch some Vitamin D (which so many of us New Yorkers are deprived of). Get excited, you have permission to bare arms.
The Great Gatsby Music Soundtrack: My jaw dropped when The Great Gatsby released their tracklisting. How in the world do you put The xx, Beyonce, Lana Del Rey, Florence + the Machine, and Jack White (AKA my favorites ever) all together for a soundtrack? Only in a Baz Luhrmann movie, that is. Check this baby out:
- “100$ Bill” – Jay-Z
- “Back To Black” – Beyoncé x Andre 3000
- “Bang Bang” – will.i.am
- “A Little Party Never Killed Nobody (All We Got)” – Fergie + Q Tip + GoonRock
- “Young And Beautiful” – Lana Del Rey
- “Love Is The Drug” – Bryan Ferry with The Bryan Ferry Orchestra
- “Over The Love” – Florence + The Machine
- “Where The Wind Blows” – Coco O. of Quadron
- “Crazy in Love” – Emeli Sande and The Bryan Ferry Orchestra
- “Together” – The xx
- “Hearts A Mess” – Gotye
- “Love Is Blindness” – Jack White
- “Into the Past” – Nero
- “Kill and Run” – Sia
Psycho Sorority Chick?: Everyone had a field day with this (you definitely need to read it if you haven’t yet). It’s pretty unclassy and of poor taste – but it doesn’t mean that all sorority girls are psycho and crazy or deranged. In fact, I think this chick is neither of these. First of all, I think this chick has valid points in her rant. While I’m no sorority girl, I understand her frustration with her friends / sisters who cannot hold a conversation, have to be drunk to talk to males, etc. I get it girl! Sometimes people need to be called out. The most important part of this is that she is an excellent writer. I’m not even joking and completely defend her writing skills and eloquence. Something must be said for the perfectly put cuss words, and the very detailed ass kicking that will follow if x doesn’t happen. The girl has an amazing way with words. You have to give her credit for that. Props to you girlfriend. You may not be a sister at DG at University of Maryland, but we can possibly be soul sisters.
Jason Collins: If you remotely know who I am, you know I’m a pretty avid sports fan. This week Jason Collins of the Washington Wizards came out and became the first professional athlete playing a major American team sport, to come out as gay. This is incredible and I think it’ll open the doors to many other pro athletes and celebrities in the spotlight. The outpour of support that Collins has received ranging from NBA players like Kobe, LeBron, Jason Kidd to President Obama is very telling that our society is finally making progress in giving gays and lesbians the full equality that everyone deserves. We’re getting there ‘Merica.
Top Search Engine Terms For YOUCANKISSMYSASS.COM:
- “kids annoy the shit out of me blog” – So someone searched this, and my website was a result? Is that the vibe I’m giving off? Good.
- “san francisco giants bandwagon fans” – … are the worst. Am I right?
- “turn tights into turban” - Refer to this post, or learn from the one who taught me and watch this YouTube video by the lovely JasonSimone. You won’t regret it.
- “neck pillow” - Are they actually comfortable? You tell me. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing one.
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- “men in baseball pants fuck” - I know, right? I die.
Other notable things that happened in April:
-THIS HAPPENED. Frank Ocean fixed Jimmy Fallon’s bow tie while Justin Timberlake watched at the Time 100 gala. Amazing.- Beyonce’s ad for H&M Summer 2013 came out, and we all swooned… and bowed down too, of course. There’s a lot of Bey rolling in the sand, and its nothing short of amazing.
What we can look forward to in May:
-The Met Gala is May 6 and is co hosted this year by Rooney Mara (girlcrush), Lauren Santo Domingo, Riccardo Tisci and Anna Wintour. The theme of the night will be punk… Anna and celebs like BEYONCE in PUNK wear?! I’m dying of excitement and anticipation. Expecting Sid Vicious realness from the men and I cannot wait.
-The Great Gatsby comes out May 10th. Leo, Carrie and Toby better give it to me straight.
-ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT SEASON 4 COMES OUT ON NETFLIX May 26th! That’s all that needs to be said about that.
Netflix’s Q1 results have shown solid and promising. And everyone is all of a sudden surprised by this? Seriously Forbes, if you took a second and looked around, you’d realize that pretty much 87% of Americans have a Netflix account – even if they’re using a friends’ account, and that of the typical American’s week, 13% of it is spent on Netflix. Just kidding, I made that all up, but it sounded absurdly true, right? Might as well be. What was life before Netflix? You’d lay in bed and what, turn on the TV, and what? Watch local news? Gross. Whether we like to admit it or not, Netflix is pretty damn life changing.
When Netflix has all 10 seasons of a TV show you want to watch…
Development of addictive personalities.
Due to Netflix have I developed an addictive personality. Actually, it may have started when at the end of my freshman year of college I decided to treat myself and buy a giant boxed set of every season, and movie of the Sex and the City franchise. I watched every single disc, movie, and episode within a week (that’s 94 episodes and 2 movies)… finals week might I add. Although I finished that semester on the Dean’s List, I found myself jonesing hardcore for the next episode, “OMG CARRIE CHEATED ON AIDAN WITH BIG? WHAT IS POSSIBLY GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!” (sorry for the spoiler there, I mean, if it was a spoiler for you, then you really need to step up your game … like 7 years ago). My point is, when you have all the episodes to a show right there, in your face – it’s hard not to get addicted.
When I tell my friends I’m staying in tonight because I’m exhausted… but really I’m going to finish Season 2 of Mad Men…
A go-to excuse.
I’ve actually said the phrase, “No I can’t go out tonight, I’m watching Netflix” out loud to a group of people I didn’t know that well. And you know what, I was completely shameless about saying it too. Sadly, I / we live in a world where thats disgustingly acceptable. Also, can you really justify a night out when you spend upwards of $30 on drinks when you can sit at home and watch Breaking Bad, fo free?!
When you realize you don’t need a significant other, so long as you have Netflix…
Goes back to using Netflix as an excuse. Who needs a boyfriend when you have a bed, delivery food, and a Netflix subscription. Honestly. Or in some relationships, Netflix is the common ground, the center of the relationship… it’s happened. And at the end of the day, when relationships end… Netflix will still remain. Oh god, that Netflix… so dependable, everything you could ever hope for.
When you realize the longest standing relationship you’ve had is with your Netflix account…
Never have I spent a whole day with a person and not been annoyed. Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, but what I’m getting at is that sometimes we need our space. Netflix, on the other hand – I can spend multiple days with, and always want to come back for more. I want to be Netflix’s suffocating girlfriend. I LOVE YOU! I WANT TO SPEND EVERY WAKING SECOND WITH YOU! (not really, but you get the big idea, right?) I mean, Netflix always gives me more and more. Ever notice how when you finish an episode, Netflix knows to start the next episode in 20 seconds? That, right there my friends, is love. You got what I need baby.
Trying to escape your childhood…
I’m a huge fan of nostalgia. Actually, maybe not considering I just tried thinking of nostalgic foods, smells, images of my childhood but the only ones I could think of were associated with weird moments. Hmmm… The parts of my childhood that I do remember were the cartoons, movies and TV I watched. Recently, Netflix just penned a deal with Disney to distribute it’s old content. Amazing. Also added to that is Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon shows. Powerpuff Girls, SpongeBob SquarePants (who am I kidding, I’ve definitely seen an episode of this in the last year), Rugrats, Hey Arnold, and my ultimate favorite – Scooby Doo. Or maybe you simply just catch up on the childhood you never had. Either way, its nice to pretend your a kid again.
When Netflix announced the entire season 4 of Arrested Development will be released on May 26th…
Instant gratification is my middle name. I want it, and I want it now. Netflix rolled out all 13 episodes of House of Cards February 1st, which was game changing in the eyes of media makers. This is fantastic, because now media companies are thinking of following suit. Think about it this way… if you’re anything like me, you finished the entire first season of House of Cards by mid February. If it were to follow the traditional release schedule, this week, we’d be watching the final episode of the Kevin Spacey drama. Amazing? Absolutely. Now Netflix is releasing THE WHOLE ENTIRE SEASON 4 of Arrested Development on May 26th. Thank God I’ll be done with finals at this point. You’re all mine that week Netflix, just you, me, and the never nudes.
Media game changer.
Some people are super low key about what Netflix has done to the media world. HBO/Showtime are all like, “Oh its cool but like its not that awesome, Netflix will never be us srry”, and Viacom/Timewarner etc. are all like “Whatevs, everyone loves us big conglomerates, bow down”, while others are like “OMG Netflix is changing the game forevs!”… clearly I belong to the latter, just without as much enthusiasm. Honestly though, Netflix has changed our viewing practices, the way we see TV programming, and quite possibly, the way TV producers might make their content.
Sometimes Netflix is annoying / a nuisance. You get twitchy eyes from looking at your computer for extended periods of time. Or, after watching half a season of a show you realize you’ve done nothing with your life for the past 5 hours. Or maybe after an hour of scrolling through movies and TV shows, you realize your an indecisive sonofab**** and cannot pick something to watch for the life of you and that in itself is worrisome and annoying. Yeah, just blame it on Netflix. The fact of the matter is, so long as we crave entertainment, company, nostalgic things, Netflix will always have our back.
A lot happened in February. But I guess a lot happens every month. In case you missed it, I’ve gathered, what I think are, the notable happenings of this past month.
Facebook Graph Search:
Sure, this was announced in January, but I’m just starting to wrap my head around this. It can be A) really cool, or B) really creepy. Let’s start with the really cool part. You can use this to network, or research your friends. As a writer, I could definitely see myself using this to research friends/friends of friends with certain qualifications, in a specific location, working at a specific company, with interests a, b, and c. Say I wanted to write an article about startups in San Francisco and wanted to interview an employee of a startup who is a straight, heterosexual, male who likes surfing, mexican food and likes to listen to Allen Stone. Voila – Facebook Graph search has that covered (well that and there’s most of San Francisco’s population anyways). Now lets discuss the creepiness. This is the stalkers tool. You can streamline your search to be as specific as possible. More importantly, this is some serious data mining and getting into your bizness. More and more we’re starting to realize how much of our personal information is out there from our social media accounts. Remember those pictures from your freshman year of high school, or that really bad night you had in Vegas (yeah, THAT night)? Sadly, what we put onto Facebook and on the interwebz is most likely going to stick forever (I mean, at least until youre dead probably). Luckily, there are a crap load of great companies like McAfee who have apps, just for Facebook that prevents people from seeing, downloading, sharing, and printing unwanted photos of yours (WHAT NOW CATFISHERS?! TRY TO PRETEND TO BE ME ON MYSPACE I DARE YOU!). Check it out, totally useful and totally free! But in all seriousness, that one page you Liked a year ago, will probably come back and bite you in the ass. So there’s that. I guess you could also use Facebook Graph Search for your own personal dating service as well – which borders on the line of either really cool and/or really creepy. Search: male, 24-30, NYC, employed, TV Shows: Law and Order, Law and Order SVU.. can I specify ‘attractive’? Questions. Anyways Facebook, I’m waiting for my access here.
House of Cards:
David Fincher directed The Social Network, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Justin Timberlake’s “Suit and Tie” music video (did you watch it? You should), and this gem Netflix produced called House of Cards. You might not have heard of it, but it is, in my humble opinion, an amazing show, worthy of HBO/Showtime. Why its noteworthy: what Netflix did with this show is freaking out the big media companies. They released the whole season (13 episodes) all at once. If other companies follow suit, this may change TV viewer practices as we know it. Media corporations got their panties in a bunch for a bit, but realized, at the end of the day, viewers will always tune in for programmed television. I don’t know. I think we should keep an eye out for this format Netflix has going on… Also, the cast of this show is kickass – Corey Stoll (the dude who played Ernest Hemmingway in Midnight in Paris), Kate Mara, and Kevin fucking Spacey. For politics junkies, like me, this is a dream. For people with addictive personalities and have nothing else better to do than watch 13 straight episodes in one sitting – this is your jam. Watch it. You won’t be sorry either way.Vine:
As my Digital Literacy professor said, “if people want a social network where they can film their dick for hours on end, then have at it”. Vine is a great concept. Essentially, its Instagram for videoclips. I like the idea of it, the app is very user friendly and intuitive. But pretty sure the creators of Vine didn’t see their app being used as a porn channel. I seriously question our species sometimes. But its actually a good app. For those of you who are done with Instagram and already onto the next, then youre already taking short video clips and looping them like a GIF on Vine and waiting for Likes to come your way. During NYFW Vine was particularly useful in that I could watch short loops of the runway – over and over again – incase I missed something. If you really want to be quirky, you can post your Vine made resume and see where that goes. Watch it here. Ugh. I loathe the fact that I didn’t think of this first.Beyonce:
February was a big month for the Royal Family. And by Royal Family I don’t mean the monarchy of the United Kingdom… I mean the Royal Family as in Beyonce, Jay-Z, and Blue Ivy. Beyonce straight up killed it at the Superbowl – it even eased the pain when the Niners lost. Her HBO documentary aired, and she’s on top of the fucking world, thanks to the Illuminati. As for Jay-Z, a Grammy award, a legitimate collaboration with Justin Timberlake, and his Nets are doing okay. 2013 is the Royal Family’s year. Calling it now.
She had her Miss Dior campaign in which she looked ah-mazing in. She starred alongside Bradley Cooper. Hugh Jackman swooped down to help her when she fell at the Oscars. She had cute, casual balter with Jack Nicholson. She won an Oscar. She beat Meryl. All of that, and at the end of the day all she wants to do is ”sit on my couch and drink and not change my pants for days at a time”. How is J Law NOT winning?
Top Search Engine Terms For YOUCANKISSMYSASS.COM:
- “valentines day? who cares” Right? I’m right there with you.
- “postfeminist television”
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- “les miserables”
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Other notable things that happened in February:-
-Harlem Shook. And no one cared. I mean, we pretended it was cool and relevant for 5 minutes. And then we didn’t. I don’t want to see your dog do the Harlem Shake.
-Huffington Post said that kitten heels are in. NO! Don’t listen to them, you women who get your fashion advice from HuffPo.
What we can look forward to in March:
GAME OF THRONES. Anyone want to have a GOT marathon until March 31st?