Ladies and gentlemen. I am disgusted by our own kind. This new app called “Lulu” has been on my radar for awhile now. I’ve refused to look into it, but for the sake of writing a blog post about it, I gave in.
What is Lulu:
According to their FAQ:
If you meet a guy at a party and hit it off, admit it: you’re going to Facebook and Google him when you get home. Lulu is the place to do your research. Except we’re not going to bore you with whether he’s registered to vote. No way. Lulu tells you the stuff you want to know: is he a heartbreaker or your future husband? Lulu is the fastest way you can find out if he has a good track record with the ladies.
First of all, this sounds like a Stage 5 Clinger’s manifesto. On paper its essentially its an app only for girls. It makes you login through Facebook (it swears it won’t post on your wall, etc. but I doubt that’s true) to verify you are indeed a female, and also so it can pull up all of your friends/friends info. It’s a social network for ladies in which you can rate your male friends / dates / exes ranging from your relationship with said male, hashtags, and their Humor, Appearance, Manners, Sex, First Kiss, Ambition and Commitment on a scale of 1-10.
Off paper Lulu is a snarky, catty, terrible app. Think Mean Girls’ Burn Book but for scorned bitches everywhere seeking revenge on that one night stand or that bad breakup. It’s a terrible idea for many reasons, to name a few:
1) Dating/getting to know someone shouldn’t be based off of what other people think. You immediately close yourself off if you do this.
2) Obviously everything on that app is bound to be biased. You can’t believe everything you read.
3) Girls talk about being objectified, etc. ALL THE DAMN TIME. While I agree (to some extent), I also think that this is even worse. Degrading a dude just to numbers or a set of awkward Hashtags is terrible.
I figured so long as I had the app, I should see what people were saying about the guys I knew.
Exhibit A: average score 6.7
Reviews: “The sex might be a bit lackluster”, “He’s about as funny as a funeral, but his manners are perfection squared”, and “The word ‘girlfriend’ gives him hives, but his looks could turn a sane girl mad”.
Best Hashtags: #RespectsWomen; #AlwaysPays; #SweetToMom; #OpensDoors
Worst Hashtags: #NoseHair; #NoEdge; #NoGoals #QuestionableSearchHistory
Exhibit B: average score 8.4
Reviews: “His face might take some getting used to, but he’ll keep you giggling all night long”, “He’s so funny, you’ll spend your life laughing your ass off”
Best Hashtags: #BedroomEyes; #HoldsHisLiquor; #NotADick; #EpicSmile
Worst Hashtags: #CheaperThanABigMac; #WanderingEye; #GoneInTheMorning
Exhibit C: average score 7.6
Reviews: “He’s no slouch in the hotness department”, “Commitment isn’t really his thing, but he’s got what it takes to be very successful”, “He could teach a course on kissing technique”
Best Hashtags: #LifeOfTheParty; #TeddyBear; #AmazingCuddles; #StrongHands
Worst Hashtags: #OneTrackMind; #TotalF***ingDickhead; #IntegrityChallenged; #ManChild; #TrustFundBaby
Uhh yeah, you get the picture. Summarily, this app poses a disgusting way to talk shit about people. No one’s going to go on this thing and be like, “Hey, you know what, that was a great hookup with so-and-so, I’m going to write a rave review about him!”. Just. No. Instead, people will use this to gain revenge, be bitchy, or just f*** around. Which is a shame. However you see it – whether this app can be useful or is stupid (I stand in this party obviously), something should be said about the fact that what happens in the past stays in the past. If my dating past followed me (which it sometimes does) in every interaction I have, I would be completely screwed. The thing about meeting new people, starting new relationships, and dating is that you’re being opened to new perspectives and ideas. This app completely closes off all possibilities for a person to change their past or their ways.
I mean, just like Ben Affleck said, “You can’t hold grudges, it’s hard”.
Another reason why this app is absolutely unclassy (and here at YouCanKissMySass we set the bar for classiness ;] ), disdainful, and cringeworthy is because it breaks down men to a series of insulting reviews, hashtags and numbers. Women are CONSTANTLY talking about how we’re always objectified, our bodies, our roles in society, etc. This app, is no worse – it magnifies the objectification actually. #SixPack, #WearsCrocs, #HotCar, #TallDarkAndHandsome. Is that any better? I promise you, had this been reversed: an app for men to review women, feminists/feminazis would be on this shit like no other. It’d be breaking news, the app creators would probably get attacked, very publicly, and the app would be taken down. Could you imagine? Double standards here. So ladies, do yourself, and mankind a favor and don’t support/use/encourage the use of this app. If you do… well, I disown you through the Internet and you’re a disgrace.
I’m standing up for my dudes and bros here.
- The weather’s getting warm here in NYC. It’s time to flash those pretty legs and bare arms! Skirts, tanks, sundresses, shorts, sunglasses. So lovely. Summer weather and summer clothes though, so CLASSY.
- With the lovely weather comes a lot of nuisances. Especially in NYC. There’s an art to not sweating your makeup off on the subway, trust me. Also planning outfits accordingly so when you go from the hot, gross, humidity outside to air conditioning blasting in a room, you’re prepared. These, my friends, are #HotProblems…. This recent video, however, entitled Hot Problems, is, in my opinion UNCLASSY. Seriously? Booo freaking hoooo life must be so hard because you’re so “hot”. I really hope that this is a joke video… not two girls really hoping to become like, Rebecca Black status.
- Speaking of music, lets switch it over to GOOD music. Last month Coachella kicked off the 2012 music festival season. Lollapalooza, Outside Lands, Bonaroo all have great things in store. Lovely people, lovely music, a lovely time. Enjoy responsibly CLASSY.
- Who doesn’t love getting wild, crazy and wasted while listening to AMAZING music? It’s all part of the experience at music festivals. But when you get to the point where you’re acting like the infamous, albeit funny, “Girl at Ultra” humping trees, etc.. then you cross a line my friend. Poor thing. UNCLASSY
- We all know the Met Gala is the classiest event of the year for New Yorkers and celebrities, fashion and the art world alike. Red carpets omit classiness. As usual, there are always fashion faux pas. Take for instance, Leighton Meester, who – under normal circumstances, I typically love. Her Marchesa confection she donned at the gala was beautiful… the rest of her, not so much. I’m in a tough place deciding whether her beautiful dress outweighed her tanning / self tanner mishaps, or whether the self tanner got ahold of Leighton and attacked her. What do you guys think?! CLASSY? or UNCLASSY?
- Supposedly, Snooki quit tanning and is opting for some self-tanner lotions instead. You go girl! In other tanning news, the tanorexic mom of NJ, scares the living shit out of me. The only reason I stopped having nightmares of her was seeing Kristen Wiig on SNL impersonate her. Bringing your children (as in younger than tweenage) to a tanning salon, UNCLASSY.
- North Carolina passing an amendment stating that “marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state”, thus depriving people, regular citizens, of a right. UNCLASSY.
- Obama, on ABCNews taking a stance and endorsing the marriage of same-sex couples. CLASSY.
Stay classy my friends.
This blog will be a continuation of my old blog, kissmysass which you can visit HERE. After a few years of using blogspot, and then neglecting my blog, and then trying to get back into it again, and then neglecting it… I’ve decided just to continue it over WordPress. Blogspot is so passe and so 2010… and their shit with Google, I don’t want to be a part of it.
But what was kissmysass? Just a compilation of my rants really. I’d do “Class vs. Unclassy” posts, “shoeporn” posts, etc. Whatever I feel like, to be honest.
Who am I? I’m a twenty-something native Californian, living in New York City. I’m studying Media, Culture, and Communication with a minor in Web Development at NYU. I’m a sports junkie, sweets connoisseur, and lover of all things classy. I love my life, my family, my friends, my boyfriend, the city I grew up in and the city I now dwell in.
Looking forward to spewing my thoughts on here.