The Avengers: Party In My Nerd Pants And Completely Relatable

The Avengers Marvel
The Avengers, AKA the movie with a bunch of ridiculously attractive people all in one for your viewing pleasure.

Like the rest of America, I too attributed to the $200 million opening weekend debut by seeing Avengers. Sorry ’bout it Harry Potter, looks like your ass just got kicked by a few mill.. jk, I love you HP. Considering that the Transformers movies are just about my favorite movies ever (I have an emotional attachment to Optimus Prime, okay?!), you bet my nerd side came out to see Avengers, and I loved it. While I was waiting in line to get into the theater, I was surrounded by super-fans wielding Thor hammers, or Captain America shields… All I could do was laugh. And make fun of them under my breath. But then I realized, who DOESN’T want to be a superhero?!

I’m going to go home and put my black wet suit on and see if I feel as hot as Scarlett Johansonn playing the Black Widow.

After watching the movie, I too wished I had some cool power, in particular, I wished I could wear the skin tight outfit Scarlett Johansonn wore throughout the movie all the time… I mean, black is a flattering color, right?  If only. Upon further thought, I realized though, that take away the awesome costumes and crazy plotline etc. The Avengers are just like any dysfunctional group of friends…

  • Iron Man – Robert Downey Junior. Sigh. The first thing you should know about me is what a HUGE RDJ fan I am, not only do I find him incredibly attractive (DILF status), I love the man for all he has done and all that he has become. Literally, in LOVE with him. In the movie, Iron Man is clearly that friend you have that always gets the guys / girls. Despite being a complete and utter douchebag, people will always come up to you and your friends and ask about him / her. Because your friends, you always will give them his/her number, but then think “Oh God, if they only knew”. This friend is also the richest friend – you know, that person who pays for everything, or puts it on her credit card. When you say “Oh I’ll pay you back later”, or “I don’t have change on me”, you thank God this person is your friend and is willing to pay for you (and probably knows they won’t be getting the money back). 
  • Captain America – I’m not a huge Chris Evans fan to be honest. He’s too perfect… those frosty blue eyes, that body… maybe I’m in denial. But if Captain America was to represent a person in your group of friends, he’d definitely be the prude. You probably don’t share your weekend adventures with this person because A) they won’t understand, or B) they’ll look down at you in disgust (if they don’t already). Usually they’re that party pooper. “Guys I dont’ think we should”,  or “Thats not very nice to do that”, are among the phrases that emanate through this person’s mouth. Unfortunately, this person has something called morals. Ugh. Such a pain. Upside is they’re typically you’re conscience … downside is, you always try your best to ignore said conscience.
  • The Hulk – To be honest here, I love Mark Ruffalo, I really do… but he ain’t some Dermot Mulroney who just gets better with age. He could do a lot better for his image. I think the last movie I was still vaguely attracted to him was in 13 Going on 30. In your group of friends, The Hulk is obvi the hot head of the group. They seriously have an alter ego… things can be fine, but if you cross this friend, shit WILL hit the fan. You probably avoid anything subversive or that might cause a conflict with this person, because you’ve seen the mess that happens when they get pissed off, and girl, it ain’t pretty. 
  • Thor – Chris Hemsworth, big brother to Miley Cyrus slogging, Gale playing, Liam Hemsworth. Verdicts still out on which brother is more attractive. Either way, its a win win situation… two brothers that look like that, AND are Australian… Hollywood is in good shape. Anyways, the Thor of your group has a god like complex. They may not be attractive or as the Iron Man of your friends, but they still think theyre the shit, regardless of whether they are or aren’t. This person needs a piece of some humble – pie. Its very common to roll your eyes, or ignore everything this person says because typically they’re full of shit.
  • Black Widow & Hawkeye – These two are like that couple that’s been together since high school, and no matter how many times they break up, and get back together, and break up, you know they’ll get married and have cute little babies one day. At the same time, they’re relationship makes you gag.
  • Fury – That witty friend with the one liners. Enough said. He keeps the group together with his comedic value as well as his douchebagerry, all of your friends join forces and secretly hate him.. but hate him together. 

Clearly Avengers is a fan-fucking-tastic movie. Even if youre not a fan, or into Marvel or whatever, I still suggest you go see it…. like right now. Plus, an opportunity for Samuel Jackson one liners? Bring. It. On. 


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