What My Cover Letter for a Public Relations Job / Internship Should REALLY Look Like

I’m clearly ready to enter the real world workforce. LOLWUT.

As I’ve returned home to spend summer with my family in California, I’ve been pressured constantly to get a job (as in job I mean real world job). “Maddy, you should really start looking for a job”, “Maddy, I have a friend who you should send your resume to”, blah blah blah… Basically they want me to join the real world. And what for?! I am perfectly satisfied with my summer job lifeguarding and teaching children how to swim, thank you very much. Plus, I will get a real job when I’m back in NYC… I think, I hope… Needless to say, I’ve been revamping and re-doing my resumes and writing up cover letters and CVs and all of that fun stuff. I think this one is the best I have thus far…

To Whom It May Concern:

I am interested in the position as _______ which will utilize my communicative, technological, creative, and organizational skills and interests. I am currently pursuing a major in Media, Communications and Culture and a minor in Web Development and Design at New York University.

While I have had internship experience – I have worked as an intern for a startup entertainment company in Times Square – I believe I have many other relevant experiences that express my commitment and dedication to Public Relations and the art of persuasion. First of all, I have always been involved in “selling”. As early as high school, I led my high schools Ambassador team, in effect playing up the importance of a single sex, Catholic education to doe-eyed middle schoolers and their anxious parents. That part was easy. My work was cut out for me, I mean, how hard could it be selling a school so entrenched in their morals and sisterhood? Now, the hard part came when I began college at *unnamed* University – a school I turned out to really not like much, at all. Somehow I was admitted and chosen as an Ambassador for the University, where again, I had to sell the school to prospective high schoolers and their money-wielding parents. This demonstrates my great skill of bullshitting, something very necessary in the world of Public Relations. Despite my lack of passion for the school, I still managed to gather copious amounts of fake energy and enthusiasm to smooth talk my way into being a great ambassador for the school… too bad I transfered out of said University to NYU that year.

Additionally, for a few months I worked as a Sales Associate at a cosmetiques company that prides themselves in green, vegetarian and vegan values. First of all, as much as my yogi, earth conscious self wouldn’t like to admit… I’m not the greenest person. I mean, I recycle, but when it comes to separating out my waste stuff at Whole Foods in their numerous bins, it’d be an understatement to say I have a panic attack. Yeah, I drink out of a Nalgene, but obviously that doesn’t outweigh the fact that you will always find some recyclables in my garbage. Another problem, I’m neither vegetarian nor vegan. I LOVE my meat and animal products (sorry to offend anyone here, but I’m a straight up carnivore). If it came from a cow, I WANT IT IN MY BELLY. But seriously, I tried the vegan thing for a week..  it probably only lasted like 48 hours … and that doesn’t count the times I probably accidentally consumed some type of animal product. Needless to say, I wasn’t the posterchild for the company, in fact, I probably was the antithesis to their goals. Either way, I still sold the shit out of all of the products there… and I pretended to know the difference between parabens to sulfates, compost to recyclables, preservatives to non preservative products.

I’m a smart cookie… obviously I pretend to know what I’m doing, so you should definitely hire me because, once again, I’m a really fantastic bullshitter/spinner. My skill of playing things up and pretending to know what I’m talking about is not only evident through my verbal communications, but also through my writing skills. One time, I had this phase with rowing. It was like a 2 month love hate relationship (mostly hate). I was so into it, I convinced my parents to buy me a $1000+ erg machine. We really didn’t have a room for it, so when we got it I set it up in our office/my art studio. It was a tight fit, especially if 3 people intended on using my art studio table, working at the office computer and working out on the erg – but that was rarely the case (and by rarely I mean that never happened). In fact, I think I used the erg machine about 10 times before I decided to quit the rowing team. And by “using it 10 times” I don’t mean having a full work out. Anyways, the time came to sell it, and I wrote the best Craigslist ad in the world – Because I knew I HAD to sell it for the same price my parents bought it for or else they would have killed me. Keywords: NEVER BEFORE USED, Original Packaging included (because thank GOD the recycling people didn’t come by the time I had quit rowing). I wrote in the description for those curious CraigsListers who wanted to know, ‘So what’s wrong with it?’ That it’d been bought in bulk with a bunch of other gym equiptment and somehow we ended up with it, and had no use for it in our house. And guess what, that thing sold for full price. I won’t even get into how I sold my XBox360 for 70% of the price I bought it for, 4 years later. I think I have an ample amount of skills to work in Public Relations. My experience not only includes a few internships, but real life experience where I’ve utilized my verbal communication as well as my writing skills to their full extent.

Oh, and I’m really good at running errands and shit. I’m totally down to be your personal slave… er, I mean, assistant.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Madeleine Tabing

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2 Comments

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  1. God damn I love you! Other applicants don’t stand a chance.

  2. Enjoy your Summer thats what summers all about..

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