In case you missed Part One, check it out HERE. If you missed Part One, or forgot about it, or quite frankly couldn’t give two shits, let me summarize: In no way do I take online dating seriously… this should be strong evidence in support of that. Here are some gems that have been accumulating in my inbox:
“I see you are a very motivated and highly energetic person, love that. if u hang out with me sadly ull become less motivated and very much lazy haha”
Hey now, don’t sell yourself short there buddy. Just kidding, that being said – tell me again why I would want to get to know you? Let alone grace your lazy ass with my presence? Are you trying to repel people from you? Whats your motive here?
“Sarcasm is my favorite language, is that what your write your blog in?”
Abso-fucking-lutely. What do you think? Maybe this guy is my soulmate… talk sarcasm to me, baby.
“can’t tell if crazy… or very fun. haha, but it pays to be eccentric (and sorry, I just had to point that out there – after all, what the HECK is on your head?? Trying to be Aladdin much?)”
Why can’t I be crazy and very fun? Can you only pick one? You say eccentric like its a bad thing. And, what the HECK is on my head? ITS A FUCKING TURBAN MADE OUT OF TIGHTS… because I’m resourceful and quirky like that. And you my friend, are a racist. I’m Asian… do you THINK I’m trying to be like Aladdin?! What the HECK is on/in YOUR head?!
“DROP THE MIC!
IT’S YO BOY MIKE!
WANT TO GO SEE MAGIC MIKE?”
No, not really white boy. First of all, I question any straight male who will willingly see Magic Mike. Second of all, give up looking for a date online… your slim shady career will take you places…I can just imagine you have groupies galore. Look, I can rap too…
My name is Maddy
I ain’t your caddy
But I sure am classy like in Downton Abbey!
But you don’t see me getting many dates, do you? People need to stop hating and start appreciating our God-given talent, Mike.
“Are you the type of person that finishes her friend’s plate when she goes out to eat? Because that would be awesome.”
Are you the type of person that calls another person fat? Because that would not be awesome. But if you weren’t calling me fat, then yeah, I do finish my friends plate when I’m out – there are starving children out there. So I guess you can say its awesome that I act as an ethically sound garbage disposal. Or perhaps you’re one of those guys that has a fetish for watching girls eat. Ew. The deranged world will never know.
“Having a 4 million dollar net worth at age 23 is interesting? Or not really.”
Being modest is pretty interesting too. Asshole. You’re clearly looking for a gold-digger.
I literally LOL everytime I check up on my account and see these messages. Sometimes I feel like these types of guys live in an alternate universe considering they think its okay to get away with saying this shit. Priceless.