Like the rest of America (well, most of America, at least) Thursday night I watched Joe Biden and Paul Ryan duke it out like
any old father and his son any staunchly Democrat and Republican Vice Presidential running mate would. Paul Ryan acted as if he had his shit together, yet looked like a little puppy being scolded when Biden would start frothing at the mouth. My favorite part of the debate? Joe Biden’s passive aggressive smile and sarcastic laugh. Joe Biden’s sassiness is unmatched by anyone in politics… or anyone in the public eye at least. Which is why it’s fitting that kissmysass dedicate a post just to the sassiest man in politics, Mr. Biden.
Let’s be real here. Thursday’s debate was no different than a father quarreling with his adolescent, possibly pre pubescent son. Afterall, Biden’s youngest son, is about the same age as Ryan (42). Earlier this week TIME released photos of Paul Ryan posing for a shoot, which probably made Biden’s opponent a little pissed off, embarrassed and even a bit nervous for the debate (Yet it probably helped his image among the frat star Republican bros who saw Ryan’s magazine shoot as comparable as their daily routine). SIDE NOTE: I highly suggest checking out Twitter account, @paulryangosling, just incase you haven’t yet. “Hey girl, I’m not taking nervous sips of water, I’m drinking every time Biden laughs at me. #vpdebate”, “Hey girl, this blond is super smart. I wonder if she is digging my widow’s peak.”, “Hey girl, my body fat is around 6-8%, which will also be Mitt’s tax rate under my new plan for America.”… absolute gold, isn’t it? Anyways, while Paul Ryan tried to make America fall in love with him using his puppy dog baby blues, his nervous gulps, and his clearly memorized answers voters just became more infatuated with Vice President Joe Biden.
Remember the time when during Obama’s 2008 campaign, Biden introduced him as “Barack America”? It’s okay, considering it was in Obama’s home state of Illinois, and afterall he did become the President. So it couldn’t have hurt him that much.
Or remember when in a speech when he was discussing what a standup, great, honest, all around good guy Obama was, Biden claimed to have known three Presidents “intimately”? My question is how intimately? and secondly, I only aspire to know Biden in an intimate way (not THAT intimately). And while we’re on the sexual innuendos, referencing President Roosevelt’s Big Stick Diplomacy in which he quotes President Teddy Roosevelt, “Speak softly, and carry a big stick”, Biden assures the audience, “I promise you. The President has a big stick. I promise you”. I bet Obama is ecstatic he has good old Biden to vouch for him. In 2008, when he first attempted to run for the Presidency, he refers to President Obama as ““the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy”. Thank God that “clean and nice-looking guy” chose you as his running mate Joe, or else who knows where you’d be (stand up comedy is always a great fall back!).
But not all of Biden’s gaffes have been at the expense of President Obama. Like that one time he spells out the “Three letter word jobs. J-O-B-S”. Say it aint so Biden baby! Or even more cringeworthy was when during the 2008 campaign Biden recognizes and calls out Senator Chuck Graham who is wheelchair bound to “stand up Chuck!” In which he realizes Chuck cannot in fact stand up, “Oh God love you. What am I talking about? I tell you what, you’re making everybody else stand up, old pal. Thank you very much… Stand up for Chuck!”.
Perhaps my favorite Biden moment was when Obama signed the Affordable Care Act, and not knowing / not caring that the press could hear, whispers to Obama that “This is a big fucking deal”. Oh Joe. YOU are a big fucking deal in my book.
My theory is that Biden’s missteps are only to show him in the most likeable light. Not as some, grouchy, old, grumpy man. Instead, Biden’s built a name for himself. He has character. He makes mistakes. He’s sassy. You can’t blame him. And neither can the Obama administration, or the Democrats.
Question: What does foot in mouth mean? Answer: Joe MotherfuckingBiden. That is all. I love you Joe Biden. America does too, even if a whole party doesn’t want to admit it, but they do. And in the end, politics aside, the guys got a nice set of pearly whites, doesn’t he?