Lessons of Inadequacy: Working at Martha Stewart

It’s majestic, right?

As some of you may or may not know (because when it comes down to it, who cares?), I intern at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia – the company that houses the domestic diva’s four magazine publications, books, TV shows, radio shows, and the queen of domesticity herself.

Working here has been quite the experience. Whether I’m basking in the glory of seeing Martha every week, or working in PR, publishing or merchandise, it’s all been quite exciting and eventful. This experience has been beneficial not only to my resume and career, but also to my personal life… I’m beginning to notice a few things about my life…

I will never be half the domestic diva that Martha Stewart is.

My cooking skills are somewhat limited and not that exotic. Don’t get me wrong… LISTEN BOYS/POTENTIAL SUITORS I CAN COOK, OKAY? I’m just saying, I’ll never commit to memory those intricate recipes your grandmother passed down to you from her very Germanic relatives or some shit like that. The best thing that results from reading Martha Stewart’s magazines like Everyday Food, Whole Living, and Martha Stewart Living… is me salivating to no end. It’s quite pathetic.

Halloween door decor using Martha Stewart craft supplies by Yours Truly! Who am I kidding, all credit goes to my lovely roommate Alison… I could have never thought this masterpiece up.

I’m not as crafty as I think. I call myself artistic, yes. I like arts and crafts, yes. In fact, I am a HUGE fan of Martha Stewart craft supplies. But would I ever consider myself a crafter? No. At work I have been working on putting together submissions by craft bloggers who use Martha Stewart supplies and seeing all the cool, funky, quirky things they make. Seriously, check THIS shit out, this is stuff regular people made. Yeah. I have no patience. I assume when I get to the age when I have leisure time to actually craft that I will want to spend said time sleeping, or eating, or enjoying my retirement with my Netflix Queue (Oh Lord, please still exist)… not crafting. It takes so much time! The making, the cleaning, ugh the travesty.

Snapshot from MSLO’s Bridal Market Party. The only appealing thing is the drinks. And bartenders.

My wedding will never resemble the pages of Martha Stewart Weddings. I’m obviously not Blake Lively, and Martha is obviously not my best friend… so there goes the “Hey buddy I’ll do your wedding for you as a nice favor!” thought. This week, for bridal week in New York, MSLO held a Bridal Market Party in the office, where bridal companies, vendors, celebrities, press, and other guests came to celebrate the week. Ugh.

Gardening? That’s not even in question. You mean I have to get dirty and get down on my knees? Just no.

Homemaking? Bitch, I’m having troubles keeping my corner of my apartment tidy.

One day I’ll grow up to be like you Martha. Until then, I will be forever inadequate in your eyes.


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