Let’s face it, dressing
up down as some glorified slut is so overrated. Girls, I’m tired of seeing your ass cheeks, your cleavages, and your exposed everythings every Halloween. I guess I’m just hopelessly waiting for the time when it will be trendy to dress classy for Halloween. In an effort to offset the amount of bare skin that will be shown this halloweekend, I suggest a few costume ideas. Come on, you know you haven’t chosen your costume yet… and really, the choice between sexy kitten and sexy kitten isn’t REALLY a choice. Just listen to my advice and pick one of these! You’ll be just as irresistible as Brad Pitt in the new Chanel No.5 commercials (which isn’t that irresistible at all really)… trust me.
Iris Apfel. One thing is for sure. You’ll be as stylish as hell. Throw on a pair of thick, circular glasses, some obnoxiously large jewelry that dominates your tiny frame, some loud prints, and maybe a fur coat and youre golden my dear. Extra points if you wear a white cotton ball headed wig.
Edith Bouvier Beale. Admit it. You watched Grey Gardens. Being Jackie O for Halloween is so overdone… so why not be her crazy, derranged, cat lady cousin Edie? Throw on a head scarf, show a lot of leg, carry around a cat, and voila… youre the fabulous, just a bit unstable and less famous Bouvier. Mother dahhling, you look mahhhvelous.
Maria from the Sound of Music. You have so many options here. You can be Maria the nun – and wear a habit – boooooring (Maria Von Trapp is equally as boring), or you can be nanny Maria, dress out of curtains, or just any old prarie dress. How do we solve a problem like Maria? Why, fashion the outfit with an acoustic guitar, a picnic basket, and an ever so fashionable floppy sunhat, and there you have it.
Queen Elizabeth II. Obviously a great excuse to wear a crown and white gloves. Typical Queen Lizzy style requires white stockings, and a colored skirt suit. BONUS: Depending on the color of your skirt suit, make a matching colored hat – complete with feathers, jewels, embellishments, what have you… You can switch from crazy cool hat to crown all night long.
Hermione Granger (before she got hot). This is Easy. As. Pie. Typical Harry Potter wizarding costume – uhhh, sweater vest with white collared shirt, tie, and some kind of cloak/cape… duh. Tease the shit out of your hair, add in some Granger sassiness and like magic, youre Hermione.
Lady Edith, Lady Mary, Lady Sybil Crawley. From Downton Abbey obviously. If you don’t know who they are, youre dead to me. You could even try to dress up as the staff of Downton Abbey, like Anna Bates. And NO, wearing a French maid outfit certainly does NOT count.
Frida Kahlo. Ironically wear one of those colored infinity scarves from Urban Outfitters on your head, a long skirt, pencil on a unibrow (bonus for a bit of upper lip hair), and call it a day.
Yeah, don’t ever complain to me that you don’t know what to dress up as for Halloween.