KISSMYSASS’S Top 5 Movies of 2012 and Why You Should See Them

Image via: thefilmcricket

It’s awards season! Quite possibly one of my favorite times of the year. Celebrities, dresses, designers, red carpets, etc. But red carpet drama / award night drama is for another post (TBD). Its a magical and wonderful time! If you look past the beautiful dresses, celebrities, Oscar snubs, and WTF WHY IS TAYLOR SWIFT THERE?, then you remember that the movies are the real reason for these shenanigans.

5. The movie you wish was around when you were learning American History in middle school: LINCOLN
Obviously if you remotely remember anything you learned in you preparatory years of schooling and American history, you know the basic plot line of this. Lincoln was so more than a tall ass dude that wore big hats and freed the slaves. He had to deal with Sally Fields’ constant nagging, and having Joseph Gordon Levitt as a beautiful son that they didn’t want to lose. Also, did you catch the parallel of the US House of Reps then vs. now? Yeah, theyre still a bunch of quibbling, old, idiots who don’t get shit done.

4. The movie that stunned Hollywood and showed people that actors can act… and kind of sing too: LES MISERABLES
Tears. Thats what I emitted from my eyes after Anne Hathaway’s “I Dream a Dream”. I’m not an emotional person, but this did it for me (Let it be said that by for some freaky reason, the only other movie I cried in was Ladder 49… Such manly emotions from Joaquin Phoenix and John Travolta. I couldn’t handle it). People will bitch and moan about how Hugh Jackman and Russel Crowe etc. can’t sing. But if youre a real Les Mis fan, you were just ecstatic to see this in movie form. Oh, and Eddie Redmayne was easy on the eyes too.

3. The movie that showed me my inner sassy spirit animal: BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD
 THIS CHICK! What’s her name? Zkjasnuqi Wldsafue? Kidding. Quvenzhane Wallis is like a nine year old girl, wearing her big girl/sassy pants who KILLS IT in this movie. This movie was super indie, which is probably why I loved it so much. Its an amazing story line that revolves around the balancing of the universe as seen through Hushpuppy and the southern delta community she lives in.

2. The movie that made Americans go “DA FUQ?! That happened?!”: ARGO
1980s style fashion, clandestine operations, and an amazing cast including John Goodman and Alan Arkin. Ben Affleck obviously needed to redeem himself after his JLo period (read: failed marriage and failed movie Gigli). Boston Ben did WERQ in this movie! It was amazing… historical, educational, great cast, and all of that shit that the CIA didn’t want you to know about. Speaking of which…

1. The movie that was the most stressful 2hr37min you ever experienced whilst clenching every muscle of your body including your butt cheeks: ZERO DARK THIRTY
Seriously OBSESSED with anything CIA related. Honestly would consider being in the CIA… but that would require being recruited, being smart, knowing like umpteen foreign languages, not being afraid of guns, and being extremely smart. All of which aren’t my thang. But like I’ve said, clandestine operations (conspiracy theories, political secrets, etc.) give me a lady boner. Throw in a mission executed brawny Navy Seals (of which included Taylor Kinney, I died), and the amazing Jessica Chastain as the gutsy, sassy, heroine, and I’m sufficiently satisfied. It also helped that Kathryn Bigelow directed another one of my favorites, Hurt Locker, so obviously I was bound to be in love with this movie.  GO SEE IT! IT’S YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY.

*Sadly I didn’t see Silver Linings Playbook yet, thus cannot attest to its greatness. But I’m positively sure it belongs on this list too.

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