Men Say the Darndest Things: Part Trois

In case you missed it, check out PART ONE and PART DEUX.

You deal with average men on a regular basis. I’m well aware of how superior I am to them. They really don’t do you justice.

This by far has been one of my favorite things a heterosexual male (this one I am actually friends with) has ever said to me. Preach, jock. Also, check out his blog – who said muscular jocks can’t write well?

We need to speak.
I’m so in to Cali girls.

I feel the sense of urgency here. I really do. Its just, I don’t give a shit. And I hate being stereotyped as a “cali” girl. I’m from California. Not Cali. Nails to a fucking chalkboard.

……..Ok, I admit it. I like your style and I think we might well be the two coolest people out here! We should totally take advantage of it, and elope to Tibet, spend a kick ass year in Shangri La and live happily ever after, throwing money in trash and partying like Charlie Sheen. I have this whole thing planned out, so all you have to do is sit by the pool, drink margaritas and get oiled up by hot pool boys all day while I go on my mountaineering expeditions. So I’m really banking on you to say yes to this or I’m going to have to just find Liya Kebede and I don’t think the plan will turn out as well. 🙂

Wow. First of all, I don’t want to party like Charlie Sheen. Second of all, your mountaineering expeditions? Third of all, NO.

The law says that you cannot touch, but I think I see a lot of lawbreakers up in this house tonight.

Oh yeah? I see a lot of creeps and rapists too.

Ok you are seriously adorable. Can I adopt you as my little sister? I’ll make us kool-aid and protect you from the other kids on the playground, I promise 🙂

WHAT?! This reads: I’m into exploring role playing where you are the younger girl and have to depend on me for help. Does it not? Stop please.

You’re cute and seem to have substance, not an easy combo to come by. I’m intrigued 🙂

No, no, no, no, no, bro. I get you’re trying to compliment me (and I’ll be the first to admit I’m terrible at accepting compliments), but I SEEM to have SUBSTANCE?! NO! I have fucking substance and don’t you forget it bro. You seem to be an asshole 🙂 Also, speaking for my ladies out there… everyone has substance. You’re just a douchebag if you can’t see it.

How would you rate your snarky humor?

Is my humor snarky? What?

You have a blog that you shamelessly plug yet only one pic of yourself. That’s a-grade narcissism and a complete lack thereof at the same time. Consider my circuits scrambled. Not serious… Kinda serious…It’s all good if you are aware of it… I have an intuition that you are the type you have to shuush at times when there’s too much crazy stuff popping out that turns heads at surrounding tables… haha

I’ll agree with you on the “a-grade narcissism”. What can you do. However, don’t agree with you calling me a cocky, crazy bitch though. Learn your manners! RUDE!

Have crazy OkCupid stories? Do men say weird shit to you on a regular basis? Lets hear it! Email that shit in pronto to youcankissmysass@gmail.com .

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