Why We Should Be Disgusted With LuLu (App Review)

Ladies and gentlemen. I am disgusted by our own kind. This new app called “Lulu” has been on my radar for awhile now. I’ve refused to look into it, but for the sake of writing a blog post about it, I gave in.

What is Lulu:

According to their FAQ:

If you meet a guy at a party and hit it off, admit it: you’re going to Facebook and Google him when you get home. Lulu is the place to do your research. Except we’re not going to bore you with whether he’s registered to vote. No way. Lulu tells you the stuff you want to know: is he a heartbreaker or your future husband? Lulu is the fastest way you can find out if he has a good track record with the ladies.

First of all, this sounds like a Stage 5 Clinger’s manifesto. On paper its essentially its an app only for girls. It makes you login through Facebook (it swears it won’t post on your wall, etc. but I doubt that’s true) to verify you are indeed a female, and also so it can pull up all of your friends/friends info. It’s a social network for ladies in which you can rate your male friends / dates / exes ranging from your relationship with said male, hashtags, and their Humor, Appearance, Manners, Sex, First Kiss, Ambition and Commitment on a scale of 1-10.

I'm disgusted... and not by #NoseHair.
I’m disgusted… and not by #NoseHair.

Off paper Lulu is a snarky, catty, terrible app. Think Mean Girls’ Burn Book but for scorned bitches everywhere seeking revenge on that one night stand or that bad breakup. It’s a terrible idea for many reasons, to name a few:

1) Dating/getting to know someone shouldn’t be based off of what other people think. You immediately close yourself off if you do this.

2) Obviously everything on that app is bound to be biased. You can’t believe everything you read.

3) Girls talk about being objectified, etc. ALL THE DAMN TIME. While I agree (to some extent), I also think that this is even worse. Degrading a dude just to numbers or a set of awkward Hashtags is terrible.

My Experience:

I figured so long as I had the app, I should see what people were saying about the guys I knew.

Exhibit A: average score 6.7
Reviews: “The sex might be a bit lackluster”, “He’s about as funny as a funeral, but his manners are perfection squared”, and “The word ‘girlfriend’ gives him hives, but his looks could turn a sane girl mad”.
Best Hashtags: #RespectsWomen; #AlwaysPays; #SweetToMom; #OpensDoors
Worst Hashtags: #NoseHair; #NoEdge; #NoGoals #QuestionableSearchHistory


Exhibit B: average score 8.4
Reviews:His face might take some getting used to, but he’ll keep you giggling all night long”, “He’s so funny, you’ll spend your life laughing your ass off”
Best Hashtags: #BedroomEyes; #HoldsHisLiquor; #NotADick; #EpicSmile
Worst Hashtags: #CheaperThanABigMac; #WanderingEye; #GoneInTheMorning

Exhibit C: average score 7.6
Reviews: “He’s no slouch in the hotness department”, “Commitment isn’t really his thing, but he’s got what it takes to be very successful”, “He could teach a course on kissing technique”
Best Hashtags: #LifeOfTheParty; #TeddyBear; #AmazingCuddles; #StrongHands
Worst Hashtags: #OneTrackMind; #TotalF***ingDickhead; #IntegrityChallenged; #ManChild; #TrustFundBaby

Uhh yeah, you get the picture. Summarily, this app poses a disgusting way to talk shit about people. No one’s going to go on this thing and be like, “Hey, you know what, that was a great hookup with so-and-so, I’m going to write a rave review about him!”. Just. No. Instead, people will use this to gain revenge, be bitchy, or just f*** around. Which is a shame. However you see it – whether this app can be useful or is stupid (I stand in this party obviously), something should be said about the fact that what happens in the past stays in the past. If my dating past followed me (which it sometimes does) in every interaction I have, I would be completely screwed. The thing about meeting new people, starting new relationships, and dating is that you’re being opened to new perspectives and ideas. This app completely closes off all possibilities for a person to change their past or their ways.

I mean, just like Ben Affleck said, “You can’t hold grudges, it’s hard”.

Another reason why this app is absolutely unclassy (and here at YouCanKissMySass we set the bar for classiness ;] ), disdainful, and cringeworthy is because it breaks down men to a series of insulting reviews, hashtags and numbers. Women are CONSTANTLY talking about how we’re always objectified, our bodies, our roles in society, etc. This app, is no worse – it magnifies the objectification actually. #SixPack, #WearsCrocs, #HotCar, #TallDarkAndHandsome. Is that any better? I promise you, had this been reversed: an app for men to review women, feminists/feminazis would be on this shit like no other. It’d be breaking news, the app creators would probably get attacked, very publicly, and the app would be taken down. Could you imagine? Double standards here. So ladies, do yourself, and mankind a favor and don’t support/use/encourage the use of this app. If you do… well, I disown you through the Internet and you’re a disgrace.

I’m standing up for my dudes and bros here.



Add yours →

  1. Hi there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok. I’m absolutely
    enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

  2. I need my name and profile off of this LuLu thing. Any way how?

    • Sorry bro, I have no idea. I’m thinking you watch who you date/hookup with so you won’t be put in these crappy situations. LuLu sucks though, I must say.

    • I haven’t verified this completely yet, but supposedly several people have had success with this:


      Good luck mate

      • That wont work. Lulu have people who are expertes in recognizing fake profile. The only accepted profiles on Lulu is female facebook accounts that have been female for quite some time, and with a certain typical distribution af female/male friends and certain .typical female activities or interests’.

        There is two ways out of Lulu:

        1. Sign in to Luludude (a place for guys to see their ratings IF they agree to ask 25 of their female fb friends to rate them on Lulu). Find settings and click the diminutive ‘take down my profile’ (or ‘remove my profile’ cant remember for sure.)

        2. E-mail privacy@onlulu.com and ask them to remove your profile on Lulu (and Luludude i you have ever been there. You must inform them about your facebookname which should start with something like htts://facebook.com/myfirsname.mylastname………other stuff…..

        3. A third possibility lies in changing your facebook privacy settings regarding privacy:
        Click privacy settings –> apps –> apps used by others –> deactivate all the possibilities.

        Im not sure about the third possibility. Don’t know if the old pics and other stuff that were already on lulu would go away.

  3. Zach Peterson July 14, 2014 — 01:05

    WTF DOES TEDDYBEAR MEAN? sorry this has been bothering me lol

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