Dear newly found Giants fans,
Welcome to the club! So glad you could finally join the rest of us! Did you start following the Giants after their 2010 or 2012 World Series Championship? Do I sound bitter? I don’t mean to. In the end, the more fans the better! I’ve been a SF Giants fan for as long as I can remember. While you were getting tanked at AT&T Park and “watching” the NLCS games in 2010, I was stuck in Philadelphia, among Phillies Phucking Phanatics. Time. Of. My. Life. (Just as bad as when the Niners lost to the NY Giants in the 2011 NFC Championship and your girl was stuck in the middle of the celebrations in Manhattan). And in 2012, while you rallied and got high and got drunk, and celebrated, and played hooky, and skipped work for the SF Giants World Series 2012 Celebratory Parade, I was in New York… experiencing Hurricane Sandy (although I did watch the parade online with limited, slow speed wi-fi I pawned off from NYU). So yeah, you can say I’m a bitter fan. This year I went to Spring Training, and having missed Spring Training for the past few years, I was overwhelmed by how big the crowds got… and upset about how many of the so called “fans” didn’t know their own players. I’ve been to Spring Training for many years. I’ve spent countless hours inside and outside of the Scottsdale Stadium getting autographs from players, chatting it up with them, saying hey to coaches, and generally enjoying my time spent with my Giants. This year, however, I decided to forgo the whole battle for autographs because I’m twenty one years old now and I’m pretty sure I’m too old for that, but mostly because I didn’t want to have to battle grown ass men, and all of these new fan chicks for signatures. Instead I sat idly by and rolled my eyes when these “fans” would see a player and ask me, “Who is that?!” and then proceed to ask for their autograph. I’ve watched our players from our farm system. I met Timmy during his rookie year when he was essentially unknown, told him I was in love with him, to which he responded with a blush and “I’ve never thought I could actually feel tall standing next to someone” when we took a picture together. I’ve seen my boys come and go. You, you band wagoners, however, are graced with the celebrity status of a multiple championship lineup right now. So of course you care.
Do you even remember the good times we had?! With Joe Nathan, Jim Brower and Schmidty? Do you even know that “Woody” is so much more than just a slang term for an erection, or a long board deck? Did you? Were you by Barry Zito’s side when critics, writers, sports reporters, teams etc. were laughing at his $126million contract and had a tough time following through? I know I definitely was. Do you remember when another catcher who captured our hearts became concussed? Like, does Mike Matheny pre- Cardinals ring a bell? The only catcher collision that makes you emotional is Posey v. Cousins, right? What about when Robb Nen sacraficed his arm in the 2002 World Series in Game 6 against the Angels? WHERE WERE YOU?! Can you say exactly where you were when Barry hit #756? Hmm? Or what about the 2002 slugout in the dugout with Bonds and Kent? Remember the days with Felipe Alou or Dusty? When the Giants infield consisted of Vizquel, J.T., and Richie? Now you remember. But did you care then?
I really don’t think you understand torture.
So enjoy the season! Really. It’ll be fun! 2013 means big things for our Giants.