What To Do When Your Team Is In A Slump*

First of all, bandwagoners, this is your cue to exit stage left. It ain’t pretty, having to endure the tough times, right? It’s okay if you leave now, we’ll see you soon, I’m sure.

Good. Now that we got that out of the way…

Let’s define slump*:
1) to fall or sink suddenly; collapse
2) to drop or slide down suddenly

The San Francisco Giants have been in a slump… which is a huge understatement. People keep saying the Giants have “hit rock bottom“, which may be more fitting. But when? Are we slowly hitting rock bottom? Or have we hit the bottom and are struggling to dig ourselves out?
Instances where I thought the SFGiants have hit rockbottom:

  • 7/2 vs Reds: By the 4th inning Kickham was getting spanked by Arroyo 7-0. By the sixth inning it was so painful that I PRAISED the baseball gods for calling off the game due to rain. Rock bottom? Hardly.
  • 7/3 vs Reds: This was great to watch, had it not been my SFGiants. Homer Bailey racked up his second no hitter. This must be rock bottom, right? Nahh.
  • 7/5 vs Dodgers: Matty Cain only goes 2 1/3 innings. Juan Uribe almost hits for the cycle. We just started our homestand…. this HAS to be rock bottom. Wrong.
  • 7/8 vs Mets: Glint of hope: Buster Posey has a 5 hit game… but we fall to the Mets in 16 innings. Definitely rock bottom.
  • 7/10 vs Mets: News broke this morning that Chad Gaudin was charged with “lewdness” for an incident in an LV hospital… GREAT. More importantly, Matty Cain cannot complete the first inning. PLEASE BASEBALL GODS, THIS HAS TO BE ROCK BOTTOM, RIGHT?! RIGHT?!!!

I guess we’ll see when this torture ends. But what do we do in the meantime?


Stop saying “this can’t get any worse” or “we’ve hit rock bottom”
Clearly we all need to stop this. Because OBVIOUSLY we keep getting proved wrong. No more negative talk. As Drake said, “started from the bottom, now we’re here”. It’s just a waiting game…

The silver lining to this all is that the godsend All-Star Break is coming up next week. Which means the Giants can pull their heads out of their asses regroup. Posey, Scutaro, and Bochy (with coaching staff) all are headed to the game. Quite possibly the one player whos quirkiness has kept everyone from crawling into a ball and dying is Hunter Pence. Sure he trails 3rd to Puig and Freeman for the Final Vote count, but there’s something to be said for standing behind your guy, right? Vote your ass off. 

Get behind roster moves
At this point, any move is a good move, which is why I’m ecstatic about the minor league deal we penned with Jeff Francoeur. Definitely not the bat we could use, nor do we necessarily need a new outfielder, but as a platoon outfielder, Frenchy could do lots – helping out with the WTF is Andres Torres doing in left field as of late? question, as well as with morale. He’s a fun guy, no doubt. We should be excited. Speaking of the WTF is going on in left field? question, Kensuke Tanaka started last night in LF, made a fantastic catch in the second inning, and also got his first big league hit. It’s stuff like this we should be excited about. And not let the losses overshadow it.

Stop pretending you can coach
Bochy is a Major League coach for a reason, and we aren’t. Sure, Boch could get a little more animated, and get up and argue for his pitcher or shitty calls as of late, but what can you do? Stop complaining. Stop bitchin and moaning about what you would do… because at the end of the day, you ain’t no coach, bro.

Don’t get complacent
I’ve been hearing SO many fans saying s**t like, “It’s okay, we’ve already won two World Series already”. YEAH, ALL THE MORE REASON WHY WE SHOULDN’T BE PLAYING LIKE THIS! Fans shouldn’t be okay and settle for the way we’ve been playing, because its uncharacteristic, and it aint flying. If you’re okay with where we’re at right now, then GTFO. #sorryimnotsorry

Stop feeling sorry for yourself
YOURE NOT SPECIAL. Every team has a slump. Every team loses terribly. Everybody gets emotional for their team. This is not new. Stop feeling like youre a victim. Don’t blame it on the Dodgers, or Yasiel Puig… completely irrelevant. Stop making excuses. Cry, drink, get over it (in any order you choose).

Drink… heavily
Because sometimes its the only thing you can do. Drown your sorrows, share your misery with your fellow fans and get drunk. You deserve it. We all do.

Cheers to you, SFGiants fans.

This too shall pass.


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