I’ve been living in NYC for over two years now, which isn’t much by comparison, however, it is enough to know that when the first weekend of September rolls around its time to GTFO because its NYFW.
New York Fashion Week is a cluster fuck of a week in which New Yorkers either A) thrive, B) go crazy over, C) drive themselves meaninglessly insane over. But what about the designers, parties, celebrities, the clothes?! Don’t get me wrong, the fashion industry is doing it’s thang and I ain’t complaining. Editors, photographers and writers are swarming the tents because its their JOB. It’s unbeknownst to me as to why we make such a motherf***ing ruckus about it.
Eat Some Kale For The Love of Kate Moss!
It’s no secret that models often diet (read: unhealthily starve themselves) before fittings or shows. Apparently there’s no other forseeable way to fit your stick body into a size -2 dress otherwise. Fine. All for the name of fashion, I guess. However, as of late, dieting has become obsessive for editors, publicists, bloggers, writers and photographers attending these events and parties. Which is what I’m not understanding. Aside from the models, a designer isn’t going to pick a person from the crowd to wear their clothes. It doesn’t happen. Regardless, it’s now standard to diet in preparation for NYFW. Why? I have no idea. It does beg the question: How much business is Blue Print Cleanse, Organic Avenue etc. getting this week and the week before? I’d love to see stats here.
The Rule of PR Girls
Typically I’m completely against stereotyping. However, having worked (and currently am working) within the industry of Public Relations, I feel I’ve gained a position to comment here. PR girls and boys in NYC are brutal, honest, and power hungry. Trust me, nothing is more gratifying than holding a guest list to an event and saying, “Let me check the list for you,” or even better, “I’m so sorry, you’re not on our list”. PR people out there know exactly what I mean (don’t lie). New York’s Fashion Week might as well be also known as the week in which the PR queens reign. That Proenza Schouler after party? Test your luck with the chick who thinks she owns the universe with a clipboard (probably an iPad) in her hand. Or else, access denied.
Taking Backseat to Models
As if finding a sane, compatible straight man in NYC was hard enough, NYFW kills every chance which puts females in NYC in a dryspell for a week at least. NYC is full of beautiful specimens everywhere. Now take every beautiful specimen around the world/country, you know – the tall, leggy, skinny, exotic looking ones – and put them all on approximately 34 square miles of land that we call Manhattan, and try to compete. You feel me ladies? Don’t try to compete. You might temporarily lose the eyes of the guys you’re currently dating, as well as your gay best friend as well. On the bright side – these tall Amazonian women are soon to be nothing more than well dressed ships passing in the night. It’s all about patience.
You’re Tacky and I Hate You!
With NYFW comes bloggers and photographers who think Manhattan will be their runway. NO. Of course you want to see celebrities, shop deals, get free things and alcohol, but let’s not turn this into a shit show that it’s sadly become. Skintight zebra patterned leggings and a Chanel knock off crop top does not a fashionista make. Stop trying so hard. Another piece of advice? Shopping at Forever 21 does not instantly make you fashionable or trendy. Oh God please no. You’d imagine a week dedicated to fashion houses unveiling their new collections and publications and the industry top heads taking note is naturally classy, grade A… sophisticated. Walk down Broadway during the weekend and you will see quite the contrary. Last year after having to push myself, literally, through a Tyga music video, I saw a mob of people outside the Duane Reade on Broadway past Houston surrounding an SUV with two chicks twerking on it. Please define rachet.
So NYFW, I’m over you.
That is, unless I happen to be walking past a store serving free/complimentary champagne in your honor. Because you can’t just pass that up.
The rest of you? If youre going out, do your best to not look like fashion roadkill. No one wants to take your picture.