In Response To: The Case Against Feminine Self Esteem (–Not For The Faint-Hearted)

This morning one of my Facebook friends posted a link to a very troubling and disappointing article I ended up reading, titled The Case Against Feminine Self Esteemby Matt Forney. (Forney has also authored other books with titles such as “Confessions of an Online Hustler” and more notably, “Trolling For a Living: The Best of Matt Forney Volume 1”). Summarily this post was the most anti-feminist, disgusting piece of writing I have read in awhile. Reactions to the post: “youre disgusting”, “you should die”, “youre trolling”, etc. After reading the post, I was sick. This guy has to be in the slim minority in thinking this way. And he probably is. Well, I really hope so, at least.

In order for America to right itself, there needs to be a massive and concerted war on female self-esteem. A woman with excessive confidence is like a man with a vagina. It’s an attribute that is at best superfluous and at worst prevents women from fulfilling their natural biological and social functions.

Sadly, women have been battling a similar type of “war on female self-esteem” since the 1800s. There is no “righting” that is necessary in America. Actually, there is truth to what Forney says about America needing to “right itself”… our government needs to and that’s evident through the recent government shutdown. The thing is, a dismal 18% of women hold seats on our Congress. Which brings us to the question – maybe its the male leadership in America that ultimately needs the “righting”. The obvious lack of women in leadership not only applies to our government, but also the largest companies in the U.S., as only 4% of women are CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies – thus, leadership of the countries most successful companies are composed of men. So again, where do women even fit into this equation, when we are not even fully represented? Statistical facts aside, lets get to Forney’s babbling about women’s supposed “natural biological and social functions”. Tell me, what would those functions be that confidence gets in the way? Assuming this pixie prick of an asshole is probably talking about women’s “traditional” and “natural” functions such as having a baby, and being a housewife (and we will skip over this “traditional norms” conversation for timessake), then I see no reason why a woman’s self-esteem and confidence could possibly get in the way. Tell me. I’m waiting.

Forney continues and idiotically outlines his three reasons as to why “girls should be discouraged from being confident”. I’d like to start off and say that I not only disagree with this (OBVIOUSLY), but don’t even see the sense in this syntax here. Girls and boys are born with an innate sense of confidence and self-worth. It’s my belief that everyone has a great level of confidence. It just differs in the way an individual lets external factors: other people, environment, their upbringing, etc. effect them. But let’s move on.

1. Most girls have done nothing to deserve self-esteem. They demand respect not based on their merit as people, but for merely continuing to breathe. The jobs that keep the country running—tradesmen, miners, farmers, policemen, the military—are still overwhelmingly dominated by men. If every girl was fired from her job tomorrow, elementary schools would have to shut down for a couple days, but otherwise life would go on as usual. If every man lost his job tomorrow, the country would collapse.

First of all, I invoke the recent government shut down example again here. The country is collapsing, and its all in part to the men (and small percentage of women) running our government. These men don’t have to lose their jobs for the country to collapse. In effect, they have caused our country to collapse. Second of all, Forney is clearly (obviously) stuck in traditionalism and gender binaries and norms since he seems to think only men can be tradesmen, farmers, policemen and military persons. Women are all permitted in these jobs. Wake the fuck up, its 2013, honey. Lastly, and more importantly, EVERYONE DESERVES, no, not deserves, is ENTITLED to self-esteem. Regardless of sex, race or sexual orientation. You don’t deserve anything, because that implies you must be worthy of something. Everyone innately is entitled to their own sense of self and self-esteem. Of course Forney thinks “they demand respect… for merely continuing to breathe”… because for fuckssake, all human beings should demand respect. To think otherwise is disgusting.

2. Insecurity is integral to femininity. The girls I’ve loved the most were the ones who were the most insecure, the most emotionally vulnerable. Insecurity is the natural state of woman. How could it be anything else? Given their lack of physical strength, a woman on her own should be frightened as hell without men to protect her. Confidence doesn’t give men erections; vulnerability does. Essentially, “confident” women are incapable of viewing men as human beings.

First of all, “a woman on her own should be frightened as hell without men to protect her”? EXCUSE ME, BUT WHO DO YOU THINK A WOMAN NEEDS PROTECTION AGAINST IN MOST CASES? – A MAN. Typically. So lets get that right. I think that this is the deep soul of the article because it is incredibly telling of the author and his background. Its not that what he SAYS tells us that he is a sexist asshole (I’ll leave it at that at risk of becoming incredibly graphic), but it also gives away that he is not comfortable in his own skin. Essentially, Forney is not posing his Case Against Feminine Self Esteem, he is arguing his way in hopes of boosting his very own self-esteem. Fundamentally, this is flawed. Femininity, masculinity, equality, sexuality, and any other -ity’s I’ve forgotten, all imply a sense of empowerment, strength and comfort in one’s own skin. They say, Yes, I’m a man/woman/gay/lesbian/straight and I am not only comfortable with it, but I would like you to accept it too. So no, fundamentally, insecurity is not integral to femininity (insecurity is integral to anti-feminimity, however). Forney gives us a little insight into his poor, sorry excuse for a “love life”. His lack of confidence and self-esteem is evidenced by his necessity of always being the dominant male in his relationships, as it seems that he seeks out these “vulnerable”, “insecure” and “emotional” women to be with.

I’ve always thought men who try to actively find women who will be submissive and are their suboordinates, are obviously on a power trip – but more importantly, they are doing so in hopes of being able to assert their “aggressive”, “dominant”, male-ness to overcompensate their lack of A) a decent sized penis or B) a self esteem but most usually C) both. I’ve dated a handful of men who, though they weren’t outright and upfront with their inner thoughts, did end up having a serious problem with being with a strong, confident woman. The fact that I, a woman, have strong opinions, can be defiant, and am far from dominant, has been an ultimate dealbreaker with some guys and myself because I won’t accept that, and they cannot simply embrace it, let alone get over it.

3. Women don’t want to have high self-esteem. Feminists can claim that women don’t need men, but their actions put the lie to that; they need us far more than we need them. Girls will all but die without masculine attention. Hell, I’m even starting to think that the feminist agita about “rape culture” is part of this as well. Pushing lies like the claim that one in three women will be raped during her lifetime and their constantly expanding the definition of rape are ways for feminists to indulge their desire for vulnerability in a way that doesn’t conflict with their view of themselves as “strong” and “empowered.”

This is the most sickening part of Forney’s moronic, asinine, rant. He seems to think “rape culture” is likened to a propagandistic stint, which is absolutely abhorrent considering rape is not to be taken lightly regardless of the context (male, female, gay, queer). I think it can be agreed upon that his introduction of the “rape culture” is uncalled for, unnecessary and quite frankly, disgusting irrelevant to whatever fucking point he was trying to make here. A response to this is really unwarrented on my part, considering this all, but in particular, this little piece, is not only false, but completely inappropriate. In fact, I’m starting to think Forney wrote this just to enrage people.

It’s obvious that nothing in this at all holds any inkling of truth. Its also very clear that Forney is an insignificant being in the cybersphere who seems to get off on writing disgusting, vomit provoking, articles. His one success: it pissed me off and made me angry, hence this blogpost. However, if you sit back and look, sadly there are plenty of men out there who think women should be weak. Like I said, date around a bit, you’ll find numerous men who want a submissive woman (even more disturbing are the men who actively seek out Asian women in hopes they’ll be stereotypically quiet and submissive – imagine their surprise, and dismay, when they effectively KISSMYSASS). My point is, a lot of people are still deeply ingrained in this traditional gender binary (men = dominant, breadwinners, women = submissive, kitchen, children), when very surely our society is starting to make that completely irrelevant. In fact, statistics show, women are coming to equal their husbands as breadwinners, in some cases, surpassing them in their salaries.

Really, the only difference between a man and a woman is that males have penises, women vaginas (human communication and other factors differ, but you get the jist). It’s simple and to throw in power hierarchies, traditions, and other structures just doesn’t make sense in today’s modern world.

*Forney has included plenty of links in all of his claims. Surprisingly (or not), they do not link to scientific studies, academic journals, or scholarly articles. Instead, the links click back to other narrow-minded writings I will not link or associate to my blog.


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  1. I read The Case Against Feminine Self-Esteem yesterday morning. My friend had posted it in our class facebook page. (She didn’t agree with it but wanted to open it for discussion). I was extremely offended by his article and had many counterarguments so I started composing a response. However, the article was taken down last night?

  2. P.S. Loved this blog! Your argument was much more supported than Forney’s and you addressed many of the points that concerned me (and I’m sure many others).

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