This year’s Super Bowl taught us that numbers do lie (sometimes/most times) and despite there being an average of 111.5 million viewers this year (compared to the narrow margin of 111.3 million viewers last year), the game was a doozy and an unfortunate blowout. But it’s okay though, because at least we saw Joe Namath’s fucking amazing 70’s style fur coat which stole the spotlight (we even forgot he screwed up a simple coin toss). We also learned a few things besides the fact that fur, is in fact, back.
- Running for President in 2016? Maybe, but Hill just wants to watch some football and be witty too!
- We’ve never wanted Anthony Keidis to put a shirt on more than we did when he was next to Bruno Mars.
- Bruno Mars is stunning in YSL.
- Michael Strahan is kind of owning it lately.
- NEWSFLASH: PETE CARROLL IS STILL A POMPOUS ASSHOLE
And then, there were the most important part of an anticlimactic Super Bowl – the ads. This year was a lot less “sex sells” and a lot more down to earth advertisements, some with powerful messages. We saw less scantily clad ladies, more scantily clad men, and the GoldieBlox commercial confirmed that perhaps this was the year that advertisers decided to do away with overtly sexist messages. I would even go as far to say it was
a positive, if not, a win for feminists looking at the Super Bowl’s commercials.
Whether you agree or not, you have to admit it was definitely a move away from misogyny in this years ads.
The ads that made us rethink the male gaze with male nudity.
If you have ovaries and/or are somewhat attracted to the male gender and have eyeballs, you are sure to have fawned… no, drooled over David Beckham’s ad for H&M. Like, poor David Beckham – he’s so fed up with being oogled at in the ad that the man just needs some fresh air and gets his cute ass locked out and has to go through some crazy ordeal to get back in… all in his underwear! Disgrace! Like, we love you just the way you are David… shirtless and in your underwear. #neverchange #BeckhamforHM. For once, a Super Bowl commercial ladies could feast their eyes upon, rather than the strip tease -like and overtly sexual commercials GoDaddy used to air that would inevitably put women at the center of the attention (dare I say, in the “male gaze”). And speaking of GoDaddy – this year their Super Bowl commercial still showed a lot of skin and Danica Patrick. Except this time it wasn’t as sexual. It was a hoard of bulky, body builders (including Danica Patrick in a body builder suit) racing to a tanning salon. Which made me think, how in god’s name are people shaped that way and how do they avoid toppling over… but more importantly, are we slowly but surely getting over the female objectification phase of advertising?
The ad that made us LOL, “but wait…”
The daughter’s sassiness – her typically teenage response to her father when he noted the VW had hit 100,000miles, “so?” *raised eyebrow* is pretty spot on. As is her “rainbows shoot out of their butts” remark. But probably the best part of this commercial is when two of the German engineers are side by side at the urinals with a disparity in the wing sizes. I laughed. But then thought, “why are all of the German engineers men?”. And then drank my beer and forgot about it.
The ad that made us say, “How ironic! I get it!”
At least thats what I said when I saw the first of Tim Tebow’s commercials for T-Mobile. First of all, thats real manly of Tim Tebow to be featured in a Super Bowl ad when his ex team that dumped him is playing in said Superbowl (albeit getting their arses kicked). Was it also ironic that Peyton wasn’t so hot that night either? Was Tebow basically saying, LOOK I DONT HAVE A CONTRACT BUT AT LEAST I DIDN’T FLAIL IN THE SUPER BOWL! I mean, probably not. Secondly, even more manly is the fact that Tebow can crack a funny about the road his sad, unfortunate career has led him to. He gets that no one wants to give him a contract because what you’re getting just really isn’t worth it… so T-Mobile figured they’d take him under his wing because they’re basically identical in that sense. What’s that T-Mobile users? Oh sorry, your phone was disconnected last week. More irony – the comedy club Tebow does stand up at in the commercial is called “Fumbles”… get it! Those witty motherfuckers. I just wish they could’ve thrown in a religious joke in there somehow – too polarizing? Probably. Regardless though, it was nice to see Tebow’s face outside of SportsCenter pundits making Tebow jokes.
The ad that made us say, “I feel you bro”, whilst wiping nostalgic tears from our eyes.
I gotta say, Turbo Tax has been killing it with the commercials lately. Mainly because I can relate to the annoying chick asking the 10million questions like, “what kind of apples do we like?”, “are you even listening to me?”, “do you think my elbows are weird?”. So thats what I sound like? I guess I shouldn’t get married then. Anyways, their Super Bowl commercial was it for me. Aptly titled, Love Hurts, I completely felt for the fan whose team didn’t make the Super Bowl and was forced to watch the game which was compared to watching your high school crush dance with some other person at prom for hours. I get it… I feel you bro! This ain’t our party… its the goddamn Broncos and Seahawks’ party and I ain’t having it! I’m sure more than half the country could also relate, because not everyone jumps on bandwagons.
The ad that made us say, “shut the f*&$ up!”.
OH MY LORD! Some people need to get their motherf^$&ing panties out of a motherf@!*ing bunch! People literally sh#t themselves because America the Beautiful was sung in different languages. #SpeakAmerican and #BoycottCoke was soon trending after its airing. Were these fools trying to make fun of their bigoted selves? If that wasn’t enough, news pundits this morning were all over this ad debating whether it was “right or not”. Debate? What debate? Since when is America, ENGLISH ONLY? You close-minded bigots? Maybe its because I live in New York city where my cab driver speaks Hindi, professor speaks Yiddish, deli man speaks Spanish, and neighbor speaks French… but maybe its also because I was raised to not be a damn fool. I don’t know… it’s up for debate. It was a fantastic ad that emphasizes America’s unique makeup that is both inclusive to other cultures, yet uniting. It emphasized the ethnic, geographic and racial uniqueness that makes America beautiful. I’ll sing the damn song in whatever damn language I want. Let. It. Be.
The ad that made us say, “WTF?”.
The visual and narration of this ad was pretty breathtaking. Personally, I’m a Quvenzhane Wallis fan because Beasts of the Southern Wild was amazing, so this commercial spot was particularly intriguing. I was thinking maybe it was a Beasts of the Southern Wild 2 (speaking of sequels A NEW TRANSFORMERS MOVIE WITH MARKY MARK?! IM SO THERE OMG!) or even possibly a horror film. “Time to strike” seemed to be the main theme here. Yet, to my surprise, it was just a commercial for… Maserati? Since when does Maserati need to advertise on television? Moreover, why the urgency Maserati? DO I NEED TO BUY A MASERATI RIGHT NOW OR ELSE THE WORLD WILL COME TO AN END?! Weird. So to that I say, WTF.
The ad that made us say, “Yo, this Gracie chick be so damn cute tho!”
Nothing’s cuter than a chubby kid. Definitely nothing is cuter than a chubby biracial kid (I’m allowed to say that becauase I was once a chubby biracial kid — the chubby part… still am biracial). But seriously, this Cheerios commercial warms my heart. Although, I gotta say, Gracie was not pleased to learn she was about to not be an only child anymore. But girl can negotiate. As soon as she slides a metaphorical Cheerio into her family and say, “and a puppy…” all bets are off because Gracie sits back in her big girl chair and silently says to herself, “I just did that.” And possibly adds in a Beyonce, “I WOKE UP LIKE THIS”. GRACIE EMITS SASS FROM HER BEAUTIFUL BIRACIAL FACE! Ugh. The feels.
The ad we’ll probably be seeing in Super Bowls to come
Speaking of puppies, I don’t really need to say much about this commercial except for the fact that it is now a classic. God, I love puppies. And beer.
Other notable and favorite ads included someone finally taking advantage of Ellen Degeneres’ amazing dance moves (FINALLY), heffers romancin’ for a piece of that Chevy Silverado, a bear jonesin for some Chobani (thats how I feel when I want my yogurt in the morning too), and John Stamos / Uncle Jesse taking his pants off.