On YCKMS we’ve discussed gym etiquette, but as of late I’ve been noticing some people around the gym that are simply the ABSOLUTE WORST. What makes it more terrible is that you see these people on the regular so they just don’t get out of your face. Paired with my list of the absolute worst gym rats, I also asked some of the top notch gym rats I know for their own opinions. Also, STOP TAKING GYM SELFIES.
These people roll into the gym January 2nd of each year – maybe even January 1st if they’re extremely “motivated”. They have high hopes of sticking with a fitness regimen and gym routine, but somehow it seems to vanish by February. The effort is there… the commitment is just a bit lackluster.
The Supremely Smelly
There’s those who just can’t control their pore output and haven’t heard of a thing us civilized people like to call, DEODORANT.
“The chronic body odor offenders. This is a real problem here at PSU. we have some, erm, ethnic students, whom either were born without sense of smell or choose to make personal statements through their overwhelming personal brand of fragrant secretion. i almost vommed on this one dude last week who smelled like chicken dumplings and it was well after lunch time if ya know what I’m saying. i choose to fight fire with fire and wear, often, too much perfume at the gym because id rather burn off my nose hairs with Paris Hilton then smell the very strands of your DNA seeping through your pores.”
Equally atrocious are those individuals who think that they are successfully masking their body odor by dousing… LITERALLY DOUSING their bodies in either Victoria Secret body spray (gals, Love Potion is so 1999), or copious amounts of Axe Body Spray for the fellas.
The Mid Life Crisis-ers
It’s that buff tan guy whos way past his prime but still thinks he has it. AKA the has-been. It’s the spin instructor who has been there for 30 years because this is basically her life. One day I will be a badass mid life crisis-er.
“The entitled middle aged gals who insist on wearing skimpy clothing in some fucked up mixture that’s part mid life crisis and part embrace of their new wrinkles and saggy everything. Fuck you Dove.” – Scott
The Fitness Friend Field Trip
There is usually a group of 3-5 people (men AND women both), typically 1 of these people is the prime motivator for the rest of them. They’re all friends and that one friend was like, “hey guys! just come work out with me!” Like, no bro. Leave your friends at home. All they do is take up space and gossip. Stop pretending.
The “I’m Dressing The Part” Fools
Again, I’m a huge supporter of people going to the gym in general. I respect the fact that you get geared up, and youre exercising your fatass. It’s fantastic. But there is such thing as #tryingtoohard
“The gym bunnies. They dress like gym rats, They say they’re gym rats, but they are no gym rats. I’m all for wearing makeup at the gym (hey, maybe you have, ya know, a life and shit and don’t have time to constantly remove/reapply if you lift twice a day like myself) and I’m all for adorable gym attire. but if you show up in SPOTLESS Nikes that haven’t seen society outside of a gym doorway, Lulu fucking lemons which ARE NOT FOR WORKING OUT THEY ARE FOR LOOKING CUTE WHEN YOU’RE HUNGOVER AND THATS THAT, perfectly done hair that isn’t FUCKING TIED UP and then proceed to walk on the treadmill, you are a gym bunny. You are here to text, be able to say you went to the gym while simultaneously scoping the scene for a meathead that would be stupid enough to believe that you lift. Gym bunnies are the devil. They take up precious mat space, idle on machines I could be using and lift 4 reps a set of 20 lbs each and reapply gloss in between. They need to be eradicated with fire.” – Hayley
The Space Wasters
Like, do you really need to put your towel and water bottle on that machine if you’re using the machine across the floor? Really? You are a colossal waste of space.
“My least favourite people in the gym are the occasional women who go in with some mentality that “I must be strong, this is the men’s domain” And consequently go full retard. Don’t share anything, spread their shit across three machines: “hey yeah I’m using that, I’m super setting”” – Scott
The Locker Room Conversationalists
Sorry, I’m trying to get dressed and GTFO. I don’t have time to stare at your tits or balls while talking about the weather or Bill DeBlasio. I really don’t.