A Love Letter to [F]unemployment (I’ll Miss You)

Dear [F]unemployment,

You and I have had a beautiful bout for the past few months. I travelled to Hong Kong for a month, because I could, then came back to NYC where our relationship fully blossomed. Now that I have found a full time job, I am sad to say we must part ways. But I will always remember you. Here are the things I will miss about you:

  • Constantly living in yoga pants all day until/unless something/someone requires you to put on real pants.
  • Computer + bed + awesome Spotify playlist= “jobhunting”
  • Pleading with friends to get off of work early and join me for Happy Hour.
  • Emails sent to various friends and family with READ THIS WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE! that typically include links to 5-7 articles only an unemployed person has time to read — they never get a chance.
  • Not wearing pants. Or real people clothes for that matter.
  • Googling myself to check out my quirky online presence.
  • Going to Trader Joes during non-peak hours 😦
  • Seeing the same lady at Trader Joes and her dog Mack.
  • Watching Real Housewives or Bad Girls Club during the day.
  • Hanging out at coffee shops with other unemployed or “freelancers” and freelancers.
  • Fostering relationships with favorite bars and bartenders (like Oficina Latina) during the week.
  • Having insomnia and falling asleep at 4am, waking up at 8am, and sleeping until 1pm.
  • Not answering to anyone … or anything (phone, alarm clocks, the door)
  • Shooting the shit with delivery men / people who knock on the door for unusual amounts of time. One time the UPS man said he had to go during our conversation, to which I responded sassily, “Oh that’s right you have a job”.
  • Cleaning. IMG_5775
  • Getting away with wearing the same outfit everyday.
  • Finding creative ways to avoid the “so what are you doing nowadays?” conversation with people. Answer: “What am I NOT doing nowadays?” Then wink… they’ll leave it at that. 
  • Finding creative ways to avoid people.
  • Finding creative ways to talk about your day when your roommates and friends asked you what you did with your day…What’s an exciting way to say NOTHING?
  • Getting your phone calls (and emails and texts) ignored by your family and friends because they’re coming in at a constant, rapid rate.
  • Spending hours on hours trying to find the most perfect GIF to illustrate your point.
  • Spending hours on hours trying to find the most perfect cover photo.
  • Actually identifying with Marnie from GIRLS.
  • NOT CARING

Even my roommates will miss having you around (read: they’ll miss the baked goods when I bored/drunk/angry bake)…

For the sake of my shopping/drinking habits, I do, however, hope to not see you in a long time (if ever). It was fun while it lasted, but, as they say…

All good things must come to an end.

It was nice knowing you. I have to move on with my life and get back to that working girl life.

Sincerely,

Madeleine

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