I glazed over an article titled “Why Glamour’s EIC Wants You To Go On A Date” on my way to work the other day. At first I thought, oooh, Go Home You’re Drunk Cosmo, fodder! But I thought about it and decided otherwise.
In today’s day and age we are increasingly losing sight of what actually counts as an actual ‘date’. I’m not saying we’re keeping score here, but it pains me when I hear my friends saying they’re ‘dating’ a guy, when it only amounts to hangouts at midnight and last minute ‘plans’. I get it ladies and gents, I do. Sometimes convenience is key. But someone needs to be realistic at some point, and by not doing so, an age old customary practice is slowly deteriorating.
This isn’t even confined to the single folk out there playing the field. It’s unbelieveable how many couples I know that forgo date night. Don’t get me wrong, everyone can use a night in (I’m the biggest advocate of that), but just because you’re blissfully coupled, doesn’t mean the work stops there. And by work I mean taking a few hours out of your week to do something special and go out.
The question is, how did we get here?
Men have gone from pulling out chairs, bringing flowers, walking on the side closest to the road – to sending a text at 11pm, inviting a girl over for delivery and to “hang out”.
Women have gone from abstaining to… well, putting out on the first date.
It is what it is. I’m not going to sit here and mope over the past because that’s where it belongs… in the past. And for fuckssake who wants to carry around flowers all night?! Not this chick.
Let’s get this straight. I’m not here to get my feminist panties in a bunch saying chivalry is dead, nor am I saying that women need to be treated better in today’s modern dating world. Not at all. In fact, we’re all fucking screwing this up. Its a two way street. Men and women alike need to step their game up, set standards for themselves and be more realistic about what is going on.
The first step is to recognize that these norms are inevitably in the past. Once you get past that, and your retro fucking idea of a perfect date, then maybe you’ll find some semblance of happiness in your unrealistic life. Just maybe.
So where do we go from here?
Well, I can sit here and say to all of the men out on the scene: stop being douchebags and be nice! But that’s just not practical. Just kidding. But really, I challenge y’all to step up your game a bit. You’d be surprised of the outcome.
Ladies, it starts with you, as – believe it or not – you do hold a shit ton of power in this dichotomy. First of all, be a decent human being and try not to string a guy alone if you’re simply not into it. Don’t keep him around for the dates, food, presents, etc. when you’re not into it. It’s no different than a guy keeping a gal around solely for unfeeling sex. Women use men just as much as men use women. What results is a line of unwarrented spurned dates down the road, due mostly to the original spurner (do you follow? Probably not. That’s okay). Hence, why men don’t put in the effort (she’s probably just using me so I’m just gageing it) and why women therefore feel mistreated.
Which brings me to the most important lesson. Ladies – actually, ladies AND gents – y’all need to start setting something called STANDARDS for yourselves.
This is probably THE reason why dating has turned to what it has – the lack of standards on both sides.
Women have slowly stopped expecting certain things once standard in the game, such as pins, chocolates, flowers, PHONECALLS (let’s talk about this!!!), (which is fine because maybe some things just need to be phased out) so men have slowly gotten away with putting in less and less. Generally, as men have gotten lazier and lazier because of this, women conversely have set lower standards, and visa versa. It’s like a circle that keeps going around until (don’t even put Tinder into the equation) all parties are nullified to nothing more than Chinese takeout boxes in bed.
The date no longer exists.
Even if you have to ask yourself, “Is this a date?” it obviously isn’t.
So all in all, I’m going to say a R.I.P. to the thing we once knew as a date. It still exists, just not in mainstream culture. That, my friends, is sad. I’m not sentimental or nostalgic, nor am I pining for an idealistic dating world, this is just the way things are, so long as we continue to set our sights on Tinder hookups being the romance of our time.
Again, I’m not saying we’re yearning for the archaic dating traditions circa mid-twentieth century. What I AM saying though is that you’re worth more than a $10 sushi delivery at 1am, baby girl.