I’m a sarcastic son-of-a-bitch. This is not news.
The other day my friend was texting someone and had the all too familiar dilemma of realizing her sense of humor might fall under the radar, fearing the other person just wouldn’t get it. She then did the same thing I’ve done multiple times – she backtracked and explained that she didn’t mean to sound like an asshole and was being sarcastic.
We have a unique sense of humor. The type that we have to explain to stupid people who just don’t get it. But its a lot tougher than that…
You have to explain yourself.
You find yourself backtracking and explaining your texts to those who don’t get it. You find yourself pausing before you comment on something on social media at the risk of presenting yourself as an inconsiderate asswipe or just stupid. In real life, you have to literally explain your jokes sometimes, or clarify, ‘I was kidding’ so as to not offend.
You have to check yourself before you wreck yourself.
You always have to second guess yourself. ESPECIALLY in professional or new environments. You think, is this snarky joke really a good idea? Yeah, I better not. So you hold back a lot. You learn when to put your filter on and you know when to turn it off.
You have to watch who you date.
The sensitive, romantic, cheesy types are hard for you to deal with. Partially, because you end up pushing them away with your shitty sense of humor, and partially because, well – its hard to see eye to eye. When they think they’re living out a goddamned Nicholas Sparks novel, and you think you’re the next Chelsea Handler (#lifeaspirations), there’s a bit of a discrepancy going on. As Christopher Hudspeth said, “Write love letters every day for a year? How about I just make fun of you on Twitter a couple times a week?” Truer words have never been spoken / written.
You have to surround yourself with people with thicker skin.
A lot of my jokes make me an asshole to the general observer. People who don’t know me hear the things I say and are often dumbfounded. Everybody takes things so damn personally. That being said, I simply have learned to not set myself up for failure and just surround myself with people with the same sense of humor, or just dont get their panties in a bunch. And when you do find people of your type (filthy humor, sarcasm galore etc), then its nothing short of epic. NOthing is more of a turn-on than people who, rather than being insulted, meet your sarcasm with equal sarcasm.
You can’t deal with emotional situations.
Its not that you actually cant deal with them… Although, if youre a similar ice-queen type then you literrally cannot deal, as emotions are hard to come by. People with a steady sense of humor have a hard time taking things seriously… thus, emotional stiautions are not in your repetoire. In turn, your response is to make light of the situation, therefore, leaving all parties involved frustrated or offended. But emotional situations lead to awkward moments and jokes that prompt the ‘too soon, you asshole’ response from others. Who knew having such sarcasm would be such a curse!
You can’t be taken seriously.
Every so often you have to assert yourself and be like “GUYS, LISTEN. FOR REAL I’M BEING SERIOUS THIS TIME”… when you actually are trying to be serious because no one ever knows when you are (which is likely, never). This can, however, have its perks. The fact that everyone assumes you’re joking around, means you can get away with really, outwardly disliking a person with insults and jokes towards them – because they just assume you’re kidding… BUT YOU AREN’T.
First impressions… HA!
You have a hard time being relatable to your friends and your social circle… so making new friends and meeting new people? Its a fucking struggle. 20% of the time during a first encounter people will totally get your sarcasm and humor and you’ll immediately hit it off — thus leading to a new best friend for life. 80% of the time people will just look at you confused, furrowed eyebrows, exasperation, or just ignore you. First impressions go over REAL well.
You have the balls.
Let’s be honest, people with a solid sense of humor typically have a heavy set of (figurative) balls on them. You got the big kahunas, my friend. Which is a blessing and a curse. Someone fucks up your dinner ressie or your order? Everybody looks at you to be the asshole to fix it. Big balls equals great responsibility … isn’t that like a saying or something?
You can’t accept compliments easily.
Part of sarcasm is deflection. A typical conversation:
Person x: That’s a really cute top on you!
Me: Oh. This thing? This is like my 3rd day wearing it since I haven’t done laundry in WEEKS. It smells probably. Do I smell?
Person x: Hey girl, youre cute and you’re interested in sports. You’re great.
Me: I know. I’m like a guy. Its insane. Literally if I could walk around not wearing a shirt (or pants) all day I so would. And watch TV. And drink beer.