Dear SF Giants Bandwagoners (Giants Baseball for Dummies)

Dear SFGiants Bandwagoners,

Hi, its me AGAIN.

I sit here the morning after our NL Pennant win, beer still soaked in my hair from last night, writing to you. Welcome to the big show. It’s nice to see you again when we met in 2010 and then in 2012. So nice to see you. I know you’re new to the game and you think you can blend in by slapping on a Madison Bumgarner jersey, a SFGiants hat and calling it a day, but we should still cover a few bases.

First of all, it must be nice to be in the golden state to enjoy the fruits of the SFGiants labour. Despite being a diehard fan, my family being season ticket holders, getting painfully emotional during games, and calling out at Spring Training on March 22, 2014 that Andrew Susac was going to do big things for the Giants this upcoming season, I have YET to see a playoff game live, in person at AT&T Park. In 2010 I was in Philly, so you can imagine the NLCS was rough, being amongst Phillies fans and then being a lone West Coast gal when we faced the Yankees. ROUGH. In 2012 I was still figuring things out after Hurricane Sandy so again, not too fun. However, the silver lining is that I have found my home away from home at Finnerty’s where, in the past 2 weeks alone I’ve been in the double digits (it doesn’t help when its so conveniently located blocks away from my apartment).  I will tell you, the next best thing to being home is being surrounded by transplants who love baseball just as much as you.

Its not always champagne/BudLight showers. They’re fun to watch, right? Its nice to see the Giants win, but clearly you have come at an opportune and advantageous time to tout around “NL Champs!”. Where were you when we were 10 games behind the Dodgers in the NL West? Do you understand how painful this season was? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Speaking of Budlight showers, our MVP Madison Bumgarner is the MVP of the realest, down to earth, people. He’s a workhorse. He’s unapologetic (just google, “Madison Bumgarner Yasiel Puig”). And he is the realest. #snotrockets galore

Our MVP and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You do not understand SFGiants #TORTURE. I’m talking real torture here. Like, I am shitting my pants if this bullpen pitcher does not get the final out with a tied game, x runners on base, and a 3-2 count. Maybe you got a taste of it when Casilla was pitching last night (if you were even watching that), but personally, that only scratches the surface. You have yet to understand and sit through butt-clenching, white knuckled innings where the future of your team is at stake. Come back to me when you almost projectile vomit because you’re so nervous in the late innings…. then we can talk.

Now lets talk apparel. A few words on the topic. Ladies: DO NOT WEAR VS PINK APPAREL. I will hate you and so will everyone else. And its just terrible. Read here.

Another thing, Joe Buck is not your friend. He is the biggest asshat in sports. THE BIGGEST. No one likes Joe Buck. That’s one bandwagon I can support everyone jumping on – the I Hate Joe Buck bandwagon. However, some crazy sons of bitches on Twitter suggest Joe Buck may be the SFGiants good luck charm. I refuse to think so for so many reasons.
Derpiest crew out there.

Also worth noting, you should probably know Travis Ishikawa (you know, that guy who hit that totally clutch walk-off home run last night?), was not a regular season player. In fact, we only started him in April. Though he spent most of 2013 in the minors and then hopped around the Orioles, Yankees and Pirates in 2014, most Giants fans remember him from his days with the team prior to the 2010 World Series (or maybe cried a little when he came on field during the ring ceremony in 2011 in jeans – still makes me tear up a bit.. okay, a lot).



Ever wonder where the “YES! YES! YES!” chat / signs came from? Its something that resulted from Hunter Pence (AKA your Giants spirit animal from here on out) when we were unsure whether we would make playoffs and had to play for the wildcard spot. Remember that? Oh, you were just jumping on the bandwagon then probably.

Screen Shot 2014-10-17 at 9.24.37 AM
via @sfgiants instagram

Lastly, we have a real Hall of Fame coach in our midsts right now. Bruce Bochy is the real deal. I’m not just saying this because this is our 3rd trip to the WS in the last 5 years… I’m saying this because the man knows what he’s doing and he’s a true players manager. Talk about RESPECT. This guy deserves the highest form.

Anyways, nice to have you with us. I hate your stinking guts, you band wagoners, but I can deal because as they say, the more the merrier or some shit like that.






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