You just had a few great dates with a great guy and its going shockingly well! Surprise! You didn’t have to drown yourself with alcoholic drinks or medicate to make his company bearable! You find him somewhat attractive / you’re not ashamed to be seen in public with him! Maybe you event slept with him! You are… dare I say… starting to actually like this guy!
But then the other shoe drops.
All of a sudden, out of nowhere it drops and lands with a thud. He didn’t text or call you back. You’re literally counting the seconds since you texted him. ONE DAY, ONE HOUR AND FORTY-TWO MINUTES AND THIRTY EIGHT SECONDS GODDAMMIT. It’s fine. You console yourself.
Afterall, he probably…
- Lost his phone.
- Left his phone at work.
- Is super busy and passed out and forgot I texted him in the first place.
- Is just so swamped with work he has absolutely 0 time for his personal life.
- Broke his fingers so he can’t text.
- Strained his vocal chords so he can’t call.
- Smashed his phone somewhere and is waiting to get a new one.
- Sent you a text but it didn’t get delivered so its sitting in his outbox or something.
- Is just so overwhelmed by the greatness of your presence that he is speechless.
- Died. He died. That’s the only explanation.
He ghosted on you.
I’ve been there. You’ve been there. Your friend has been there. Everybody has been there. You can kiss my sass if you say that you haven’t been there.
What sets in is some fucked up state of denial, psychotic neuroticism, and just flat out feeling of disrespect. You’re confused. The world is confused. You’ve comfortably found yourself in the 4th stage of dealing with being ghosted on (is that correct terminology? I don’t know. Someone please advise).
Stage 1: Denial
This is when you have clearly convinced yourself that, worst case scenario he died… best case scenario his text back to you got intercepted by either bad service, gremlins in the sky, or the iphone ether. We had such a great time, he’ll definitely get in touch soon.
Stage 2: Psychotic Neuroticism
WELL, SHOULD I GO TO HIS APARTMENT AND MAKE SURE HE’S ALIVE! MAYBE HE PASSED OUT ON HIS TOILET AND NO ONE FINDS HIM! I CAN’T LIVE WITH THAT.
Stage 3: “Oh hell no” Disrespect
I can’t believe I’m waiting around for a text. Doesn’t he know I have better things to do?! How fucking rude. How dare he. RUDE. I AM IMPORTANT. He can take his Met’s season tickets and SHOVE IT… NO BODY puts baby in the corner!
Stage 4: Confusion
Wait. You know what it must have been? 10 minutes into our first date, I moved the chair and he probably thought I farted! That’s what it was! He thinks I’m an animal. That’s totally why. Or maybe it was the shirt I wore when I saw him the other night. I guess I didn’t wash it recently. Maybe it had deodorant marks on it or something. Was my hair a mess? I don’t know. WHAT HAPPENED?!
You’ve been there and done that. Here’s a secret babygirl…
He’s just not that into you.
Sure, maybe he is kind of. or a little bit. or he is sort of into you. But the thing is, that shouldn’t cut it for you anymore.
I’ve been wanting to write about Mark Manson’s Law of Fuck Yes or No. It’s a great piece everybody (male and female alike) should read, and it really is applicable to not only romantic relationships (or lackthereof), but also platonic relationships and friendships. Summarily, a person should only be worth your time if you have a “Fuck Yes” feeling about them and they have that same “Fuck Yes” feeling about you.
Right. But should you really be worrying about someone who feels comme ci comme ca about you? You know what the worst trait in a person is in my book? INDIFFERENCE. I can’t deal with that shit. As Manson puts it, “If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.”
Particularly when people have such fast paced, busy lives (AKA EVERY NEW YORKER), there is no time for bullshit. A night out for a date could be a night for after work drinks with a coworker, extra gym time, a wine and cheese fete, doing your laundry, who fucking knows.
I’m not saying you should go into a first date and either feel like “IM GOING TO MARRY THIS GUY” otherwise walk out, because that’s fucking absurd. What I am saying, is that after given the chance to somewhat get to know each other, if a guy’s interest is so MEH that it doesn’t even warrant a text back to you, then you drop that shit to the curb and stop worrying about it.
I’m not about to get preachy about it, but the sooner you adopt this mindset, the easier relationships (existing, non-existing and those that needed to end) become.
So from here on out, I challenge y’all to either say…