Your NYE Outfit, SOLVED!

If you’re stumped for what to wear to your NYE bash tonight, boy do I have the answer for you!

Some Generic Party

H&M Sequined Dress, $9

Nothing SCREAMS NYE than GLITTER AND SEQUINS. This is a MUST for any party you’re going to. Start with a sequined dress that you buy on the cheap since you’ll throw it out Jan. 1, or you’ll rip it or it’ll be encrusted in vomit tomorrow morning. H&M has a great one that resembles a mermaid because you know – New Year, new me/mermaid! Also, make sure its TIGHT. Like, tight as in you can see every rib in my body / fat roll I possess. If you bend over and it doesn’t ride all the way up, then you’re NOT doing it right.

Forever21 Glitter Pumps, $20

Now the shoes – the shoes are essential as they must also have sequins or glitter. Again, go for the cheap because when else in your life besides New Year’s Eve will you wear glitter hooker pumps? Trust me, even the girls in Magic City don’t even wear trashy glitter pumps like these ones from Forever21. Buy them, throw them out, or wear them for Halloween 2016 when you fully dress up as a mermaid (because mermaids wear shoes). The higher the better – everyone LOVES watching a drunk girl teeter the line of oblivion.

Gold Feather Headband, $whoknows

Yo, headbands (and not the headbands used to hold your hair back in the logical way, but maybe this headband can hold your hair back when you’re over the toilet at 12:05am) somehow have become all the rage. It started at music festivals where the cultural appropriation of Native Americans came into play. And now its everywhere. Get your sequin on and a feather (because that’s a thing?) and call it a day for your #NYEHAIRSTYLE. You’ll look like a sassy 20s flapper/mermaid.

MAC Glitter Eye makeup
MORE MAC makeup!

And for the final touch… your makeup. Now, I’m no expert so I suggest going onto Pinterest or YouTube or wherever people do makeup tutorials. Now this NYE look screams I don’t have herpes, but coming in a 6in vicinity of me will give you the glitter herpes. There’s nothing sexier than marking your #NYEkiss with dark lipstick and glitter…amirite? Mark your territory, girl. Again, the more glitter, the better. Nothing makes your lips more kissable than having a shit ton of glitter coating them. Who cares if you’ll have an eye infection and fucked up lips in January… its for NYE so its WORTH IT.

Masquerade Party

So maybe you’re a sophisticated woman and instead of going to gaudy, promotional NYE parties/BA$HES, you’d prefer to mingle with the cool folk at a masquerade ball. Start your New Year off right with glamour, class and a little bit of mystery! How trendy of you.

Colombina_PIzzo_Black_White_grande
VivoMasks, $69

Everyone will opt for the cool, lacy, glittery, sequined masks – as shown above. While you want to give off the air of mystery, you still want to stand out in a crowd…

Paper Bag, $1

VOILA! Problem solved. Wear a paper bag over your head: Mysterious? Check. Identity concealed? Check. Sexy? Check, check! Wallet friendly? CHECK. Starting your New Year off right? Check… without a doubt.

Party In Your (Sweat)Pants

You’ve staved off NYE plans/parties for years now. The idea of going out is daunting. You cant imagine squeezing yourself into a sequined dress so you resemble a sausage with a pretty casing. Makeup is your enemy. 2016 can come without you ruffling your feathers about it because you know, New Year, same old fucking me.

Nike sweatpants
Supreme
Gucci flip flops

Start the year off right, you know? Your FIRE ALPHET right here: fresh in your Nikes, white tee and Gucci flip flops. You’re not going anywhere so you best get COMFY, but you’re a hypebeast so you always have to get off a fire ‘fit.

Just kidding… for non-hypebeasts staying in for NYE, your fit is bound to look something like this..

Hanes white tees, nothing wrong with these.

OR

Your old high school t-shirts from home
Comfy sweats

AKA Your Pajamas. You’ll probably fall asleep before midnight, but who cares… its probably 12o’clock somewhere….

Happy New Years.

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